Far be it from me to pass judgment on what a person should wear---I’m the one who owns a pair of pointy hot pink heels, let’s remember, heels that a colleague recently asked if she could borrow “for an 80s party,” which I don’t think was meant as a direct insult, although one never knows---but I think we can all agree that there a few sartorial stylings in which no-one looks particularly good. We talked last week about things men wear that make us weak in the knees. Now let’s talk about things that make us throw-uppy in the mouth.
I don’t understand why men wear man capris—or manpris as I believe they’re called by those in the know. What, your legs are cold from the mid-calf down? Go trousers or go home, boys. Or just go shorts.
Stop the needless suffering! There’s no reason for this! Old Navy was invented specifically to address this problem, I’m pretty sure. You can buy flat front khakis for, like, three bucks and a smile in there. Print out a coupon from the Internet and it’s two bucks and a grimace. Print out a coupon and use it in the back-to-school sale and they’ll pay you to take them away.
This one might be a little divisive, and truthfully I don’t abhor Crocs the way some people do, but at some point you’ve got to look down at the clunky red rubber clog on your foot and go there has to be something better than this. Hey guess what, there is. It’s called normal shoes.
Look, I’m not saying every man should be Ryan Cabrera---that dude has gone way too far in the pursuit of artfully tousled hair, landing somewhere more in the neighborhood of “recently electrocuted”---but I would argue, respectfully, that most men look better with their hair pushed up a little off their forehead than plastered down against it. Show me a handsome man with bangin’ bangs and I might retract this. Blagojevich, you are not allowed to email me again.
Please no. Please.