Five Men I'd Have Over For Dinner

You know that game you play on long car journeys where you list five living famous people you'd have over for a dinner party because they're people you like or admire? Let's play that right now. But only with men. Here are some men I'd like to meet:

1. Jared Leto
How did you know this was coming? You had to have known this was coming. If you didn't know this was coming, I'm afraid you just haven't been paying attention for the last five years. I'd specify on his invitation that he had to come in character as Jordan Catalano, of course, and this would include the corduory jacket with the sheepskin collar and at least five solid minutes of leaning against something. Jared Leto isn't a very nice person, apparently---my brother Tom met him once in a sandwich shop in Dublin and he propositioned Tom's girlfriend even though Tom was RIGHT THERE (seriously, he told her his hotel room number and everything)*---but you know what, I still kind of don't care. Come to dinner, Jared Leto. Any day of the week.

*Tom said he was also almost comically small. I refuse to believe it. I also don't want to talk about his recent penchant for guyliner. Or the pink mohawk.

2. President Obama
Oh, come now. President Obama would be the most awesome dinner guest in the history of dinner guests. He'd stand up at the beginning and give a really insightful toast and everyone would be weeping subtly into their linen napkins, and then I sort of have the feeling that after dessert and coffee, he'd pull up the rug on your living room floor and shut the evening down with an impromptu dance party and at first you'd be too shy to join in, but then you'd be like "Well, Obama's dancing...." and you'd get down and do the Robot too.

3. Anderson Cooper
He'd be so interesting! Imagine the things he'd talk about and the stories he'd tell. I have a very soft spot for Anderson Cooper. I'd probably hog the conversation with him all night and the person on his left would be like "Anderson? Tell me about the time in Afghanistan when you---" and I'd be all "Quiet, Jared Leto, I'm talking to him right now."

4. Neil Patrick Harris
He'd just be funny. He'd be really, really, really, really funny.

5. Evan Dando, lead singer of the Lemonheads
You know, maybe this is a weird choice. But boy, is this guy a tall drink of water or what? I already chose two intellectual ones so let me just have my attractive, sensitive, emotionally unstable musician, okay? Besides, I think he'd be very interesting to talk to, particularly if one of your favorite subjects is the 1990s and one of mine is. I think this dinner party would probably end---after everyone had collapsed on the sofa, tired after the denoument of Obama's raucous dance party---with Evan strumming his guitar and the rest of us crashed out cross-legged, humming along a little to "It's a Shame About Ray" under our breath. Anderson Cooper would have a lampshade on his head.

 

1
DiaryofWhy
May 20, 2010

Well, I guess it's good that your brother's girlfriend turned down Jordan Catalano, I mean Jared Leto, (although did she? you didn't completely specify the outcome), though think of the possibilities--You could have been three degrees of separation from Jordan Catalano! (I mean Jared Leto.) I bet she totally could have gotten him to come to your dinner party. Oh well. It's still a pretty good story, and who else can say they're almost three degrees of separation from Jordan Catalano/Jared Leto?

2
Leslie
May 20, 2010

I'm sad to say that I've been told the same thing about Jordan Catalano...I mean Jared Leto. One of my students had a small part in a film he was in. He was kinda creepy and kept calling/texting asking for (ahem!) favors. Yuck! But she did confirm that he is really dreamy as long as he doesn't speak or communicate in any way. He's a good leaner, though.

3
Camels & Chocolate
May 20, 2010

Wait, no Taylor Kitsch??? Holly, I'm appalled.

4
TracyD
May 21, 2010

Jared Leto and his buddies were at Knotts Scary Farm the same night my college roomie and I ventured down for some Halloween themed fun. How do I know he was there? Because he and his friends got to cut in line! My roommate and I were next in line and then all of a sudden we were watching a strung out looking Jordan Catalano and posse stroll up the exit and onto the roller coaster in front of us!!!

He is small/shorter than I imagined...but aren't almost all celebrities?

5
JoAnn
May 21, 2010

I think what bothers me most about Jared Leto (since I haven't met him to be sleazed or propositioned by him) is how seriously he takes himself and his "art". I apologize to all those Thirty Seconds To Mars fans... but his music is crap. And further- he's about as deep as a puddle.

6
Kari
May 21, 2010

I don't think you want Jared Leto to come to dinner. You want Jordan Catalano. Then you don't have to worry about the guyliner but you still get the leaning. Don't worry about him being "fictional." We all know he's real.

7
soul-fusion
May 21, 2010

Such a great list although from the stories it sounds like you need fictional Jordan Catalano and not pervy Jared Leto to make it a success. Although if Jared Leto got inappropriate I have a feeling at least three of your four other guests would come to your aid and that would be pretty awesome on its own.

8
Julie
May 21, 2010

I love everything about this post, and then some. Now there are fantastic mental images I'll never be able to combat when watching an Obama speech!

9
A'Dell
May 21, 2010

Neil Armstrong

Steve Jobs

Jay-Z

Steve Martin

George Clooney

I think all of these dudes would have some amazing stories to tell and George Clooney would just be drool-tastic.

Jay-Z can leave his wife at home though.

10
Ris
May 21, 2010

I love the image of Obama starting a dance party. Brilliant. Get Neil Patrick Harris to lead karaoke and that sounds like one hell of a party (do you watch Glee? That man can SING).

11
Caitlin D
May 21, 2010

I once saw Jared Leto at a concert. His band was the opening act and we were positioned in the bleachers where we could see the side and back of the stage. After his set (and a few too many beers perhaps), I totally and embarrassingly yelled out him as he was lingering backstage "Hey there Jordan Catalano!" As if he hasn't heard that his entire adult career. But, who cares, you know... I saw Jordan Catalano!

12
Sheila
May 21, 2010

Will Ferrell and Seth Meyers for laughs, Rahm Emanuel for conversation (and because Mr. Obama would be at your party), Guy Fieri as I would need someone to do the cooking (and also because I think Ferrell would do an awesome impression of him, right there at the table), and Italian skiing legend Alberto Tomba (I've just always had a thing for him). I think I would make everyone dress in black tie and we'd start with dessert first.

13
Nothing But Bonfires
May 21, 2010

Ooh, good lists. A'Dell -- George Clooney is an inspired choice! How could I have forgotten him? Get out of the way, Evan Dando -- you've been replaced.

14
Home Sweet Sarah
May 21, 2010

I don't want to brag or anything (oh who am I kidding, yes I do), but I have actually had dinner with President Obama. While the night did not end with a dance-party, he did call me "sweetheart." (Also, he didn't eat and HE SHOULD HAVE. He is very, very skinny.)

15
Home Sweet Sarah
May 21, 2010

Also, I just IMDB'd Jared Leto and it says he's 5'9 1/2" AND A HALF. I think we all know he's padding a little bit there.

It's unfortunate that if I ever meet Jared Leto and am wearing high heels (likely), I will tower over him. And then I'll laugh at him. It will be rude, yes, but he did hit on your brother's girlfriend so he deserves it.

How do I wrangle an invite to this dinner party? Because it sounds marvelous.

17
Miranda Tuttle
May 21, 2010

My good friend dated Jared Leto's brother, Shannon (who's the drummer of 30STM), for quite some time and I hate to say it, but she confirmed that Jared's quite the jerk, as well. Shannon's ok- bit of an attitude, but harmless.

18
Nothing But Bonfires
May 21, 2010

Oh yes, Shannon! He once played Jordan Catalano's friend on a few episodes of MSCL -- specifically, the boiler room one where they go to see Buffalo Tom. I remember him well. Apparently TOO well. I could probably tell you what he was wearing in each episode.

19
suzrocks
May 21, 2010

ahhh... Jordan Catalano. I might have to go dig up my old VHS box set of my so called life. And then I suppose I'd have to get something to play it on.

Ha! he deserves to be short!

20
Kelley
May 21, 2010

About 10 years ago I saw JL in the Squat & Gobble on Haight. He had on Nike high tops with the f-word written in pen on the soles.

Anderson Cooper would be a great dinner guest, I think. When he used to host the Mole, I was more intrigued by him than the show.

21
Nothing But Bonfires
May 21, 2010

I am LOVING these Jared Leto stories. Who knew so many people had firsthand knowledge of how unappealing he actually is? I feel like we should start a website.

22
Alecia
May 21, 2010

I thought for sure you were going to have Peter Campbell in your list.

23
Pfieffer
May 22, 2010

Greg Mortenson (Stones Into Schools)
President Obama (we can coordinate dates so he can come to both!)
My boyfriend (he's deployed right now but obviously he'd arrive via a Jetsons'-like people transport tube)
Nicholas Sarkozy (so energetic, charming, and hilariously new/old French at the same time)
George Steinbrenner (is he similar to his potrayal on Seinfeld? What's it like to own a baseball team?)

Person who does not make the cut: Floyd Landis. WTF. You can't take millions to defend yourself re:your cleanliness then say that you can no longer love with the SHAME!

24
Susan
May 23, 2010

I JUST last week taught myself to play "it's a shame about ray on the guitar"! (It's really easy actually.)

Oh, I love the 1990s and your dinner guests. Except for Jared Leto. Sorry, but you can have him.

25
Jenny
May 23, 2010

Matthew McConaughey would bring bongos....and probably a bong too. hehe

26
onlywords2playw
May 23, 2010

JAMES SPADER!

That is all.

27
Marcheline
May 23, 2010

Hell with that. I'd have Angelina Jolie over - she's worth ten men!

28
Rachel
May 26, 2010

i also have an undying love for the 90's! you can't just kick out evan dando, it would be a shame!

i would invite josh ritter - favorite musician, intelligent songwriting. he's also writing a novel coming out next summer, i know you like him too you have him on your music player.

29
cristen hemmins
May 27, 2010

Home Sweet Sarah, how did you get to have dinner with Pres Obama??!?!
so envious.

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