With Love And Squalor
So there I was, with a blog post all written in my head already about my haaaaaiiiiiiiirrrrrrrr---you know, the sort of self-absorbed little nugget that some social media professor at a third-rate university would hold up as Exhibit A in a lecture entitled Why Bloggers Are Navel-Gazing Twerps Who Assume You Give A Crap About Their Bangs---when J.D. Salinger died on Thursday morning.
And man, I don't know why, but the news just made me so sad. Look, I know the guy was 91, I know he had a pretty good run of it, and I know he was rumored to be a little bit of a jerk. I also know that he became this awful culty hipster cliche, a status that he likely abhored, and that I am probably not winning myself any points in the originality department---though possibly a few in the dork department---by saying that I was weirdly moved by his death.
But damn it, I was. Maybe it's because I've had a bit of a rollercoaster month, maybe it's because I'm turning thirty in ten days and find myself on the cusp of the most cliched mid-life (quarter-life?) crisis there ever was, or maybe it's because hey, it's just sad when people die, but I found myself having an unexpected---though pleasantly refreshing---little cry at my desk when I read the news. It was awfully unprofessional, trust me. One should never cry at work. Just ask Kelly Cutrone.
(Oh, okay, I'm going to ruin that link for you: her book is called "If You Have To Cry, Go Outside." I am unabashedly excited about reading it. I am even more excited about her new reality show, Kell On Earth, which starts on Bravo on Monday. How do I know that? Well, I wrote it in my planner a whole month ago. I know, I'm embarrassed to be me too.)
(BUT SERIOUSLY, KELL ON EARTH. BEST NAME FOR A SHOW EVER.)
Anyway, say what you will about the death of J.D. Salinger---eh; who cares; whatever, I thought he was dead already---but it stirred in me a surprising melancholy I hadn't been expecting. Like thousands and thousands of disenchanted teenagers before me, I found Catcher In The Rye to be one of those indelible literary turning points. You might have done too. There are six decades of adolescents before us who did, I think. Just look at the preponderance of babies named Holden. We are certainly not the first.
Me, I was fourteen and bored, looking for something new to read. "You might like this," said my dad, and my mother concurred, and together they pulled down their old copy from the bookshelf---it was the one with the yellow cover like this---and I holed up in my room and I read and I read and I didn't look up until I was done. I couldn't believe I liked it so much, that I saw myself in so many lines. I couldn't believe that I wanted to transcribe its quotes into my sticker-covered notebooks and make pencil marks in the margins. I couldn't believe it was still relevant, a book written thirty years before I was born. I was fourteen and my parents had actually been right about something for once and I couldn't believe that either.
Jan 29, 2010
I know exactly what you mean; when someone who has had a lasting effect on some aspect of your life dies, even if you don't know them at all, it can really move you. Although he's very different to Salinger, I felt a similar way when Patrick Swayze died; I know he wasn't in the same league as Salinger in terms of life-altering works of art, but Dirty Dancing was a film that really made an impact on me as a teenager and so when he died, I felt as if a piece of my childhood had died too.
Jan 29, 2010
I was moved too. My Salinger turning point didn't come til 'Franny & Zooey' though, perhaps because I was at university age when I started reading him.
There are a couple of his letters on lettersofnote.com (my new favourite website) that give an interesting insight into his character. Here's one: http://www.lettersofnote.com/2009/12/one-thought-hits-me-about-your-lett...
Jan 29, 2010
Hmmm, I actually did post about my hair- specifically about my bangs- on Thursday. Followed by a somewhat deeper post, but still.
Catcher in the Rye was indeed a great book, and I feel Holden's restlessness still (also nearly 30 years old) but like you said....I already thought Salinger was dead. (I'm cringing as I admit that.)
But I understand the sentiment of the world losing someone great that affected you personally. So...condolences. Maybe you should go back and give Catcher in the Rye another read, for old times sake.
Jan 29, 2010
By Salinger standards, you would be suffering a third-life crisis. Chin up, old girl! And while I was saddened at his passing, I have to admit, I was down right distraught when Shel Silverstein passed. (Of course, I owe that to the fact that I read my kids one of his books or some of his poems practically every night.)
Maybe someday, in this age of technology, bloggers will be as revered as Salinger and Siverstein. Ahhh. (It might go a long way if we wrote about more earth shattering topics. I, for one, will stop writing about my hair...for a while...)
Jan 29, 2010
things kind of changed for me, although I can acknowledge that he was a brilliant writer, didn't care for his personality that was portrayed and written about.
Jan 29, 2010
I have thought about it a lot more than I would have expected. I somehow missed the book in my teen years and read it when I was thirty, a couple of years ago. Even then, I found it was a profound book that is so incredibly honest!
Jan 29, 2010
It was the first non-Judy Blume/Babysitter's Club/RL Stine book I read for pleasure, bought at Half Price Books and devoured in a couple days.
I completely get the melancholy, although a silly little part of me hopes that hair post comes next week.
Jan 29, 2010
Sad indeed, although I always get at least a bit of solace in the fact that a person has lived a long life. Also, I cried like a baby when Mr. Rogers died. It meant my childhood was officially over.
Jan 29, 2010
The circumstances of their deaths could not be more different, but David Foster Wallace's death last fall was...oof. Really hard for me. When I look back on my senior year of college, that pretty much takes up "September." We were reading "Infinite Jest" in my seminar, and literally the day I cracked its spine, the news broke. This was part of many reasons it kind of punched me in the gut and held on for a good while, but essentially, I just mean to say I totally get it.
And now I'm going to re-read Catcher in the Rye, as I've meant to do for years and years. I too was 14 when I read it, and felt there was something undeniably striking about it, but I'm not sure I was quite ready to put my finger on it. Even through high school I had a hard time developing my taste and self because I was such a mad jumble of what I though I *should* like and be like. But parts of that book just STUCK with me. There's this small, specific moment when Holden is sitting at a diner counter and orders breakfast and a nun sitting next time is eating nothing but toast. He calls it "depressing" to have someone else order just toast while you're having a big ol' breakfast. I remember telling my sister that this moment was kind of ridiculous, all mournful and cynical for no reason. (I didn't use those words of course--because hello was I even a *person* at 14?) But all the while I think I reacted really strongly to that moment, didn't know then how to process, hid behind it, and turned it around into "Listen to this WHINER here!" My sister very sagely told me it was something I would "understand when I was older." I filed it away, and think about it all the time. I do now, but more than that, it's something I never stop rolling around it brain, using my reaction to it as I kind of marker as a I continue to learn and re-learn and break and grow. Thanks, Salinger.
Jan 29, 2010
It has been pretty rough lately, so many deaths it seems like. It is always a little comforting when you know one has had a long life, but still. Sometimes I think when iconic people like that die it is a painful reminder that the world is changing and we're all getting older, and it can really be a jolt at times.
And on a much lighter note, do not be embarrassed about your excitement for Kell on Earth, you are not alone. I put it in my iPhone calendar, with "one hour before event" alarm set.
Jan 29, 2010
You took the words right out of my mouth.
Jan 29, 2010
After reading Franny and Zooey, I kicked off a campaign to nickname San Francisco: Franny.
Wouldn't that be rad? Join me in making it happen.
Huge Salinger fan here and I know what it's like to have a book hit you so hard during a strange period.
Might I suggest: MY LIFE IN PARIS? It's Julia Child's memoir about her quarter-life crisis. I read it during mine and it was so comforting and inspiring and funny.
Jan 29, 2010
Someone tweeted that someone else had said that the glory of Salinger is that he made angst feel important at 14 or 16 or whenever you read it. That's what he did for me---I felt understood. It was oddly heartbreaking for me, too.
Jan 29, 2010
I didn't read Catcher in the Rye until I was too old and I never really enjoyed it. However, I understand how you feel because it's exactly how I felt with Kate McGarrigle died this month. Her music was an integral part of my childhood, and I'm probably the only under-30 who mourned her so.
Jan 29, 2010
I first read Catcher as a sophomore in high school. It was Christmas break, and I was irritated about having to read a WHOLE BOOK when I was supposed to be sleeping late, eating too much and being showered with gifts. But then I got sick, and I picked up the book, and...well, you know the rest of the story.
I'm sad, too.
Jan 29, 2010
I was really sad too. My sister called me in tears. She was extremely upset. :(
Jan 29, 2010
OK, I'm inspired. I just went to amazon.com and added Catcher in the Rye to my amazon wishlist.
I can't believe I never read it...
Jan 29, 2010
I know just what you mean. I stared the yahoo news page for so long, blinking and thinking I was reading it wrong. Franny and Zooey has been my favorite book for so long- reading it over and over just because. I even tried to change my name to Zooey in junior high I loved it so much. It's a sad week.
Jan 29, 2010
Wow. I had to read Catcher in the Rye in high school and I LOATHED it. Wanted to slap Holden in the face the whole book. Hated that character. Didn't understand him or identify with the story in the slightest. Maybe (I cringe even suggesting this) I should read it again now that I'm 20 or so years older. I'm curious to see if I'll still hate it but I'm not sure I'm curious enough to actually try reading it again given my negative feelings about it.
Jan 29, 2010
I swear... you took the words out of my mouth. I just reread the book this summer and was immediately taken back to my high school mindset.
Jan 29, 2010
Oh, yes, Salinger died and it was sad, and all those sweet things that everybody else has been saying today--but can I just say Cutrone's book title is one of the very best I've heard about? EVER. I'm not even into self-help books and I want to buy the book based on title alone.
-K
Jan 30, 2010
The day Salinger died, I bought a vintage typewriter. I think I'm going to name it J.D. (although Ernest Hemingway is also in the running for typewriter names).
I was incredibly saddened by the news, as were all my English major friends. Whoever said that Salinger made angst at 14 important was spot on. The "Bananafish" story and "For Esme, With Love and Squalor" are my two favorites, although I do love "Catcher."
Jan 30, 2010
my heart sank a bit at the news too, can't really say I have figured out why yet.
Jan 31, 2010
Spot on about Salinger. How an otherwise unpleasant person can create something that moves multiple generations is certainly a question that deserves some pause.
In other news, cheer up, lovely - 30 is the new 20, only without acne and a seemingly endless tolerance for retarded boys. That in and of itself is an excuse for some of that bubbly in the fridge!
Jan 31, 2010
Your 30's rock, embrace turning 30!
Feb 02, 2010
It must be a secret rule among moms and dads to give this book to their moody, brooding teenager. My dad gave me his copy when I was 14 or 15 and, like you and everyone else, I absolutely loved it and couldn't believe it was still relevant. (I also couldn't believe my parents had gotten something right!)
Anyway, about a month ago, I was looking the book/J.D. Salinger up on the internet, just because it came to mind, and I discovered that the book my dad had given me was a first edition! I'm hoping, hoping, hoping the book is packed away in my parents' house somewhere. I'll kick myself if I lost it somewhere along the way...
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