Justin Bobby For President

I think we can all admit to a slightly embarrasing celebrity crush, can't we? Mine, for example, is Justin Bobby. Are you familiar with Justin Bobby? He's the resident "bad boy" on The Hills, and I put "bad boy" in quotes like that because pah! He rides a motorcycle! He often has a bit of stubble! Sometimes he forgets to show up at parties! He's not strangling kittens or handing out roofies, is what I'm saying: he basically just wears a leather jacket and chews gum. He's the best kind of bad boy: the fairly harmless kind who favors plaid. One day, in fact, I would like to put Justin Bobby in a room with Jordan Catalano and watch them out-lean each other. Man, I would buy a front-row ticket for that. I would take an unpaid vacation day for that. I would miss your kid's ballet recital for that, and we all know your kid is cute. 

Anyway, I don't know what the deal is with Justin Bobby but he suddenly got attractive. One day he was all sleazy and greasy and then a few months later he'd shaved or something and turned into this monosyllabic Adonis. In fact, you know what I would like to see? I would like to see Justin Bobby go on The Bachelor. Wouldn't that be awesome? I would like to see that a lot. Justin Bobby would beat the pants off the current bachelor, Jake Pavelka, whose season started yesterday with a mind-numbingly boring two-hour premiere, eighty percent of which was taken up with footage of Jake doing things while shirtless---chopping wood while shirtless, working out while shirtless, frying bacon while shirtless, despite the very real possibility of splattering himself in the pec with red-hot bacon grease and ruining the shirtless Us Weekly covers that are doubtless in his future if he picks the right pneumatic blonde---and the other twenty percent spent listening to him furiously deny the old adage that nice guys finish last.

You know what, actually it was only fifteen percent, come to think of it, because the other five percent was taken up with cringe-inducing aviation puns---Jake is a pilot, you see---that mostly revolved around people finding their co-pilots and buckling up for a bumpy ride. In fact, as a cheesy nod to Jake's profession, this season of the show is even called The Bachelor: On The Wings Of Love. On the wings of love, can you believe that crap? Get Justin Bobby on for next season, I'm telling you. I would watch The Bachelor: On The Seat Of A Motorbike anytime.

1
Locusts and Wild Honey
Jan 05, 2010

I believe you owe it to everyone to follow this post with a detailed examination of your crush on Pete Campbell from Mad Men.

Honestly, it still keeps me up at night.

(But off the record, agreed. Justin Bobby is technically hot if you can forget for a minute that he has two brain cells and alternately asks people to call him Justin, then Bobby.)

2
Em
Jan 06, 2010

Oh god, I love Justin Bobby.
What's not to love about a man who rides a Harley in a pair of dungarees with no top on?

{The Hills and even more shamefully, The City, are my ultimate guilty pleasure watches!}

3
Nicki
Jan 06, 2010

OMG...not Justin Bobby! I hated his completely grunge phase. And yet...

Yeah, I shamefully admit a fascination with The Hills.

4
Lizzie
Jan 06, 2010

I know what you mean about Justin Bobby, there is just something about him. Although I don't know if we get The Bachelor in England, I kind of get the drift. And I agree, Justin Bobby on that would be immense!

5
JoAnn
Jan 06, 2010

This post has made me so happy- my shame has just slid away... I found myself suddenly lusting after Justin Bobby this season after so many seasons of finding him completely repulsive. I don't know how it happened, or why... but my insides get all kinds of hot and gurgly when I look at him these days!

I have never watched a single episode of the Bachelor, but if Justin Bobby were the catch- I'd be glued to my set!

6
Angie
Jan 06, 2010

Bahahahahaha!

Also, there are more than enough crazies on the Bachelor to counteract Jake's vanilla-ness, no?

7
Rhi
Jan 06, 2010

I vowed to never, ever watch the Bachelor again after this week's episode. But, I'll tell you what: if Justin Bobby is ever on, I'll watch every episode.

8
Sheila
Jan 06, 2010

OK, I'm going out on a limb and showing my age here, but I have never seen The Hills and I am not familiar with this Justin Bobby character. So I have two questions:

1) Is Justin Bobby his entire name, or is he a two-first name guy who doesn't use his last name, like Elvis or Cher?

and 2) How can you not say his name like Sacha Baron Cohen says "Ricky Bobby" in Talladega Nights?

9
Michelle
Jan 06, 2010

Justin Bobby and Jordan Catalano...I'm cracking up!! My co-workers think that I am losing my mind because I am in my office laughing hysterically.

Thank you for a hilarious start to my Wednesday!

10
Ris
Jan 06, 2010

Justin Bobby? Maaaaaybe...if he promised to never ever talk, ever.

11
Holly
Jan 06, 2010

Seriously. When DID Justin Bobby get hot, because he totally is now? Still an ever loving douchelord but a hot one, so you know, less offensive. I pretty much died during The Bachelor the other night when Channy (why do I even remember her name?) made some joke about him being welcome on her landing strip any time. BAAAAAAARF. Anyway, as awful as it was, I'm totally going to watch. It's a sickness, really.

12
Jennifer
Jan 06, 2010

Ahh, thank you for the recap of the Bach! I figured I didn't miss much and it seems I didn't. Except for all-star dialogue from Chris Harrison (who I heart in a crazy way). If ABC promises not to make the episodes 2 hours long every Monday, I might watch next week...if my boyfriend doesn't wrestle the roommate out of my hands like he does during every Bachelor season. Its like nails on a chalkboard for him.

13
Amy --- Just A Titch
Jan 06, 2010

Justin Bobby AND Pete Campbell?! Oh, Holly. I adore you, but...wow. Though, I suppose you win for having age-appropriate crushes, unlike my weird Justin Bieber and Taylor Lautner crushes.

14
kirida
Jan 06, 2010

I didn't watch the Bachelor but this recap is enough for me.

Also, I am a little skeptical of Justin Bobby only because he looks so much like John Stamos.

15
abbersnail
Jan 06, 2010

Oh, Jordan Catalano was such a BRILLIANT leaner. He managed to make skulking around so very, very HOT.

16
Katherine
Jan 06, 2010

Holly, have you seen his editorials? (Did I use that word correctly?) I Googled it just in case, because seems unfair to leave a comment and ask but not provide links.

http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/15173976.html
http://www.thebosh.com/archives/2008/04/justin_bobby_cuts_hair_models_ch...

I ask because you didn't allude to having gazed at the cleaned up, European magazine version of Justin Bobby, which I think is an improvement.

I do feel dirty having Googled myself, however. I can't believe I typed that much about Justin Bobby.

17
Krys
Jan 06, 2010

Please say it isn't so... do you really have a crush on Pete Campbell (a la Locusts and Wild Honey's comment)?!

After having entered the Mad Men universe on broadcast television at the beginning of season 3, I just this weekend watched the season 1 DVD... and decided - after nearly nine hours of Mad Men in 3 days - that Pete Campbell is the most irritating, skeevy, pansy-assed, Wil Wheaton doppelganger EVAH.

This knowledge will now keep me up at night as well.

I hate the man for being such a superb douche canoe, BUT I have to agree that in the last season on The Hills his attractiveness skyrocketed like 700%.

19
hillary
Jan 06, 2010

I agree, the premiere was shite. What I loved, though, was that Jake seems a bit crazy. Like under the golden boy exterior lurks a psycho who sends home Sheila (dude! pilot duo! nothing cuter!) and keeps Vienna of the "my dad has bought me 5 cars because I keep crashing them!"

20
Karen
Jan 06, 2010

I had to do a google search for both of them since I don't want reality tv (is The Hills reality tv?). Then I realized that my cousin has the hots for Justin Bobby (and yes Sheila, I do say it like SBC in Talladega Nights). He's a little skeezy and greasy looking for my taste, even with the shortened hair. Now the other guy is HOT (though if he can't find a good woman with those looks...)

21
Leah
Jan 06, 2010

(Another fine bit of writing. Monosyllabic Adonis, pneumatic blonde, etc. You win.)

22
Raven
Jan 06, 2010

*sigh*

I still totally swoon for Jordan Catalano and Jake Ryan. Justin Bobby is nice to look at as long as he isn't allowed to speak :)

23
slynnro
Jan 06, 2010

I'm pretty sure I plan on live tweeting this show with sarcastic comments every week. I nearly died over the pilot puns.

24
whoorl
Jan 06, 2010

Yes! Justin Bobby! He was so disgusting and greasy and ridiculous, but now so uhhh, CUTE. WTF.

25
ni
Jan 06, 2010

did you know that justin bobby is a hair stylist by employment?

My hairstylist told me that the last time I was getting a haircut. Apparently it is at some fancy hair salon in LA. She read this in a Maxim interview.

26
Mountain Momma
Jan 06, 2010

I used to watch the Bachelor religiously but stopped a few years ago - got tired of all the skinny girls running around in tiny bikinis and tight dresses. But if a sexy Bad Boy was on there, I might be tempted. I'm a sucker for a Bad Boy.

27
Laura
Jan 06, 2010

I bopped right on over here to the comments only to see that Leah, of course, beat me to it. So, you know, what she said. Go, you!

28
marisol
Jan 06, 2010

omg Jordan Catalano... you just made me go back to freshman year in high school. Swoon!

I actually dont think Justin Bobby is that bad. He is kind of a d*ck on the show but isn't that his role?

The last bachelor I watched was with Andrew Firestone...LOL

29
Caroline
Jan 07, 2010

I miss you writing about the Bachelor. Please do it this season, as it was horrible as usual. And I would laugh to read about someone else thinking how horrible it was. In shame, since I watched the whole thing.

30
Emilie Morgan
Jan 07, 2010

bahahhaaaa! thank you very much! my entire family thinks im crazy for being completely bored by this years bachelor! whenever he had a date last season i would flip to the kardashians...

31
Megan
Jan 07, 2010

Wait! I want to hear more about this Pete Campbell part!

32
Anna
Jan 13, 2010

I have to agree, Justin Bobby did become oddly attractive on the Hills this season... His personality is still seriously lacking, however that even seemed a bit better, I think Kristin provided enough of a challenge that he had to use the 2 brain cells that he has... As for the Bachelor, it was painfully cheesy, I could only take small snippets at a time before I had to change... I think Jake seems a bit feminine and a little too into the drama (based on the previews for the season) It think it would be entertaining if he surprised america and came out of the closet in the final episode... That would even out do Jason's sneaky trick. And the pilot jokes and title, Really? That is the best you have... That is what you want your first impression to be???

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