I think we can all admit to a slightly embarrasing celebrity crush, can't we? Mine, for example, is Justin Bobby. Are you familiar with Justin Bobby? He's the resident "bad boy" on The Hills, and I put "bad boy" in quotes like that because pah! He rides a motorcycle! He often has a bit of stubble! Sometimes he forgets to show up at parties! He's not strangling kittens or handing out roofies, is what I'm saying: he basically just wears a leather jacket and chews gum. He's the best kind of bad boy: the fairly harmless kind who favors plaid. One day, in fact, I would like to put Justin Bobby in a room with Jordan Catalano and watch them out-lean each other. Man, I would buy a front-row ticket for that. I would take an unpaid vacation day for that. I would miss your kid's ballet recital for that, and we all know your kid is cute.
Anyway, I don't know what the deal is with Justin Bobby but he suddenly got attractive. One day he was all sleazy and greasy and then a few months later he'd shaved or something and turned into this monosyllabic Adonis. In fact, you know what I would like to see? I would like to see Justin Bobby go on The Bachelor. Wouldn't that be awesome? I would like to see that a lot. Justin Bobby would beat the pants off the current bachelor, Jake Pavelka, whose season started yesterday with a mind-numbingly boring two-hour premiere, eighty percent of which was taken up with footage of Jake doing things while shirtless---chopping wood while shirtless, working out while shirtless, frying bacon while shirtless, despite the very real possibility of splattering himself in the pec with red-hot bacon grease and ruining the shirtless Us Weekly covers that are doubtless in his future if he picks the right pneumatic blonde---and the other twenty percent spent listening to him furiously deny the old adage that nice guys finish last.
You know what, actually it was only fifteen percent, come to think of it, because the other five percent was taken up with cringe-inducing aviation puns---Jake is a pilot, you see---that mostly revolved around people finding their co-pilots and buckling up for a bumpy ride. In fact, as a cheesy nod to Jake's profession, this season of the show is even called The Bachelor: On The Wings Of Love. On the wings of love, can you believe that crap? Get Justin Bobby on for next season, I'm telling you. I would watch The Bachelor: On The Seat Of A Motorbike anytime.