Does This Dress Make Me Look Thirty?
I turn thirty a week from today and I am not afraid to tell you that I have been sucker-punched by that old cliche, big time. You know the cliche I'm talking about: the one where you dread turning thirty. Every prime-time sitcom in the history of the world has made rampant use of this cliche at one time or another, and apparently I have watched enough prime-time sitcoms that I've fallen for it, hook, line, and sinker. I have been dreading my thirtieth birthday since the day after my twenty-ninth. I mean, that's what you're supposed to do, right?
But god, is it ever tiresome. Do you know how much energy I've expended, dreading my thirtieth birthday? Way, way too much. I could have checked off, like, seven things on one of those "30 Things To Do Before You're 30" lists they publish in Cosmo every fifteen minutes if only I hadn't been moping around the whole time about how many I hadn't even done yet.
Which, you know, is ridiculous. I've climbed the Great Wall of China. I've pinched Gavin Rossdale's butt. I've written a book about weddings. I've been scuba diving with sharks. I got engaged in Rome to a guy I met when I was almost half the age I am now and then I got married to him in a pretty dress and it was the happiest day of my life.
How much easier it is, though, to focus on what we haven't done. Yeah, I haven't written a novel. I haven't been published in a national magazine. I don't own a house and I don't have a kid and I'm really not digging the haircut I got last week and damn it, I thought I'd have this all figured out by the time I was thirty but whoops! That stuff sort of passed me by.
And that's okay, I think. It's taken me a few months of wallowing to realize it, but I really think that's okay. I am healthy. I love my family. I live in a great city, and I have a nice apartment, and my husband leaves me coffee on my bedside table in the morning, and I have all my fingers and toes. There is stuff I don't like about my life, sure, but I am trying to figure it out. There is no deadline. I haven't failed at anything. Nothing is over.
In fact, I think thirty is actually going to be kind of kick-ass. I've been thinking about it, see, and pretty much everyone awesome I know is in their thirties, which really means it has to have something going for it. This last decade was great, of course, but I'm wondering if the next one might actually turn out to be even better. And since I don't know if that's true, I guess I'm just going to have to dive right in next week and hope I'm right.
Also, I'm going to drink a lot of champagne while I'm doing it. You know, in case I'm not.
Jan 31, 2010
Thirty suits you, dahhhling. You look ravishing in it already, and you've still got one week and a Lost premiere to go!
Jan 31, 2010
This sounds like the old Facebook Syndrome: you know, the one where you look through other people's qualifications/holiday photos and curse your own ineptness and lack of skillz?!
I'm only 27, but if it helps, have very similar feelings about 27. It's completely arbitrary, and only (I keep telling myself) exists in my mind. So it's probably not "30" in and of itself (Jennifer Garner seemed to love it in 'Suddenly 30', yes?!) but rather external milestones and rites of passage make us questions where we are and what we're doing.
As a devout reader of your blog, I'm always inspired by your writing, relationship, travel and family - hang in there and this ennui will pass!
Jan 31, 2010
Get ready to enter a decade of less angst, more purpose. Less confusion, more understanding.
As my dad always says of getting older, "It's better than the alternative," which is most certainly true. Have a wonderful one!
Feb 01, 2010
I have found the 30s to be really fun! You're just a little more sure of yourself and less stressed than you are in your 20s.
Feb 01, 2010
You're not wrong. It (the thirties), and you, are going to be wonderful! I'm looking at 33 now and truly, every year after 27 was exponentially better.
Everything you say is true - your health, your lovely relationship with your family, Sean, SF (I live here too!) - you've done a fantastic job! I would put money on this coming year especially being full of awesome.
Happy Birthday and welcome to the next fantastic adventure! Cheers!
Feb 01, 2010
I'm 37 and I don't feel any different than I did at say...27. Age is all about attitude. I went sledding on Saturday. I play and have fun every chance I get.
You've got the biggest question answered. You know who you want to go through life with. And, bonus, he picked you right back. Oh, and you did two figured that out so long ago...you are waaaay ahead of the curve.
Plus, 30 is the new 20. Live it up, girl!
Feb 01, 2010
Oh you are going to love 30! I turned 30 last March and spent an inordinate amount of time beforehand worrying about it and the things I hadn't yet achieved. But it turned out to be my best birthday ever, and subsequently my best year ever.
I absolutely love 30 and now I'm a month away from turning 31, I think I can safely say the 30's kick the 20's ass!
Try not to worry about it too much and enjoy a nice glass of celebratory champagne!
Feb 01, 2010
You may discover that you love your thirties. I did. I had never been happier to leave a decade behind as I was on my 30th birthday. (The verdict is still out on one's 40's, but I'm less than a year into it, so.)
Happy happy, you fabulous young thing, you!
Feb 01, 2010
I think I know what you mean. I will be thirty in July and I'm sort of not excited about it.
I have no idea why since a) it's just a number and b) I've done the two things I wanted to do before I turned 30, which was to have a meaningful intimate relationship and some children (not that there's anything wrong with children after 30, but I felt that someone with my decreipt health should use whatever biological head start was afforded them).
I think 30s are going to be objectively a great age, and that 40s will be even better, but there's something about saying goodbye to my 20s that makes me feel like I'm saying goodbye to my youth - that heady time of potential and choice, the heady feeling that I could still be anyone and do anything. With 30 on the horizon it feels like there is still time, but there's a deadline in sight.
Anyway. I'm sure your 30s will be even more full of the Awesome. I hope you have an amazing birthday.
Feb 01, 2010
I speak from experience (I'm 38).
I thought my 20s were great, but in hindsight, my 30s blew them away. Although, many of my favorite bloggers are in their mid to late 20s and I have to admit that y'all made did that decade with a lot more fun, and style, and confidence than I ever did.
Cheers to you!
p.s. The one thing that doesn't change? Hair. After a good run of hair, I'm sporting some ill-thought bangs. The occasional crappy haircut might *still* happen, but the rest? Is awesome.
Feb 01, 2010
I'm not much older than you & distinctly remember being out with girlfriends, having a blast & declaring "THIS IS WHAT 30 LOOKS LIKE!" It's the perfect balance of fun, responsibility, wisdom... the best of everything.
Feb 01, 2010
Drink champagne even if you're right! 'Cause that's the kind of thing you do when you're in your 30s and just don't care!
I'll be 37 very soon, and am trying not to freak out about its proximity to 40. My 30s were SOOO much better than my 20s, and I'm starting to realize it only gets better.
So, celebrate! Your 30s are where it's at, baby!
Feb 01, 2010
Ha. I'm 31. I cried for days when I turned 30. For no good reason. But you know why you haven't got all that stuff figured out yet? Because you were in your 20s. Those 20-something people are useless at stuff! (Sorry 20s people.) Anything you've accomplished up to now puts you way ahead.
Feb 01, 2010
I turn 30 in August, and I'm feeling the pressure of the big birthday party. Like a couple of my friends have planned group trips for their 30th, and I don't know if I should do that or something else (at one point I wanted to hire breakdancers, am I crazy?). My husband is turning 30 this month, and I've planned 0 for that.
Feb 01, 2010
Do you have anything fun planned for the day of? I've found parties always make dealing with anything easier.
And, there's this: you make 30 look super chic and stylish!
Feb 01, 2010
I was maybe the rare person who was excited to turn thirty (no more twenties, that's okay with me!) and it has been pretty good so far. I can't ever really imagine hating any age though - it's all what you make it. And you make it look fabulous! xoxo.
Feb 01, 2010
The thirties are my favorite decade yet. I'll be 34 on Wednesday!
Feb 01, 2010
I also fall into a "pit of despair" as my boyfriend calls it when I compare what I've Done With My Life with others accomplishments and realized that I haven't accomplished everything I want to. Yet. You'll get there, as will I, and we'll look fabulous doing it.
Feb 01, 2010
My thirtieth is right around the corner and I'm excited. Think how many amazing things are going to happen to you in your thirties. It's going to be a lot of fun.
Feb 01, 2010
30 rocks! Wait,that's a t.v. show right? But seriously, I loved 30. I am turning 35 and mmmmmm not so much! Happy early birthday!
Feb 01, 2010
There is no deadline. I haven't failed at anything. Nothing is over.
It's true! What is it about milestone birthdays that gets us thinking that way?
Here's to bigger and better things in your 30s, Holly (though you were no slouch in your 20s!)!
Feb 01, 2010
I'm sure you hear this all the time, but I LOVE my thirties. There really is a wisdom you gain by laughing and pointing at the 20-somethings who still don't get it. ;P
I turn 35 next month and I'm NOT happy about that.
Happy early birthday!
Feb 01, 2010
29 was so much worse than 30 because of all the dreading! I also found that once you turn 30 you can are taken more seriously but still have enough youth to be young without seeming ridiculous. It is a really nice balance, I think.
Feb 01, 2010
50 is the new 40, 40 is the new 30 so consequently... you're back at 20 again! Really, it's such a cliche, but girl: the next 10 years will be even better. Not to mention that I heard Dr Oz mention that women don't even truly peak sexually until in their early 40's, so there's another thing to look forward to! I will let you know when I get there (before you!)
Feb 01, 2010
I'm so amazed by all you have accomplished and you're going to love being 30. I promise. You couldn't make me go back and relive my 20s for a million dollars.
Feb 01, 2010
Some day you'll be my age and look back at 30 as soooooooo young. So do your best to feel that way now.
Feb 01, 2010
Oh wow, how I needed to read that. I also will be turning 3-0 this month (in a bit over two weeks now. Yikes.). I think I had only one realistic list of "things to do pre-30" and it involved "running a marathon". Which I did. Twice.
It kind of cracks me up to return to my mental list that I had made when I was 15 or even age 21. The "to do before 30" read closer to a Parenting Magazine feature; the three things on the list were:
1.be married
2.have 2 kids
3.own a home
God, I must have been sniffing the glue in art class too much.
Feb 01, 2010
Generally, I lurk, but this post struck a chord in me. Here are some words of wisdom from someone who is 36.
When I was about to turn 30, I too was sorta depressed. Thirty just seemed really, really old.
Then, two weeks after I turned 30, I found out I had breast cancer. I know, crazy. Suddenly all I heard was, But you're so young! You're so young! Young young young!
And you know what? All those people were right. I was young, and I had a lot of living to do yet!
So don't worry so much about being 30. Be happy that you ARE in a good place. Be happy that you ARE healthy. (As I am, too, now. At least I think I am. I probably shouldn't go around broadcasting things like that. Anyway.)
You have a lot of living yet to do, so enjoy 30 and all the years that come afterward!
Feb 01, 2010
I heartily agree with the others, 29 was way worse than 30 because of the anticipation. One bonus of that anticipation though, was that I finally took the leap on some major life changes. I'm coming up on 31 in another month or so, and can safely say 30 was the best year of my life thus far! Champagne cheers to hoping yours is too!
Feb 01, 2010
I found 29 WAY more stressful and weird than 30. No clue why, other than it felt like a door closing. 30 felt like a door opening; I've been 32 for 3 days now and I have to say each year gets better. It hasn't been all sunshine and unicorns, of course, but life is much sweeter with some perspective. Doesn't hurt that I was asked to show proof of age while ordering a cocktail on my 32nd birthday. PS I am a great big FAIL according to those Cosmo checklists (single, no kids, don't own a house) but I am pretty pleased with my life because it's MINE.
Feb 01, 2010
You know that stage of pregnancy when everyone tells you you're glowing, and you mostly just feel pregnant? I like to imagine My 30s as the decade in which I will glow like a pregnant lady.
Feb 01, 2010
My husband is turning thirty this year. I still have over five years until that mark, but having him make the leap into the next decade makes it seem so REAL to me. Eek.
Feb 01, 2010
I'm turning 30 in May and I'm really looking forward to it. I've had a good run, thus far, and feel like I just keep adding to my very own tally with each new experience. I feel like just being so close to 30, I'm finding myself much less cynical and more open minded than I was as a super-hip young 20-something. I think that what people say is true and as I get closer to that big birthday, I just realize how much more I LIKE myself than I ever have before. If this is what your thirties are like, bring 'em on!
Feb 01, 2010
and guess what? 40 looks pretty great too (esp. when the stress of the many "accomplishments" you list is replaced by living a joyous life).
Feb 01, 2010
I turned 30 two weeks ago, and it has already been completely amazing. You're going to love it!
Feb 01, 2010
Oh my gosh, the RELIEF of turning 30 and having my 20s be over (the angst! the constant self-evaluation! the question of potential and whether I would ever live up to it!) and just getting that milestone out of the WAY so I could think about something else -- it was incalculable.
Your 30s are going to be phenomenal. You are young, you have so much going for you, and you have so much time to do everything you want to do (or change your mind a thousand times about what it IS you want to do). It's going to be brilliant.
Feb 01, 2010
Hey, if nothing else, you already solidified your backup plan and it sounds rather tasty.
Feb 01, 2010
Oh, how I love this post. I am already fretting about turninng 30 and I've been 29 less than a month. I just don't feel thirty. Thirty-year-olds have their shit together! And how can I have all these gray hairs when I'm not even thirty?
Feb 01, 2010
When I was 30, the only thing I'd done was to get married in a pretty dress. The rest of it? All came within the next few years. Now I have a kid, a home, and enough money that I won't ever have to worry about money, and an amazing life.
I've written (bestselling) novels, spent time with Joyce Carol Oates and Toni Morrison and Lorrie Moore and Lisa Tucker, and I've learned to make the perfect cup of espresso. All in my 30's. There's still so much time. Ask anybody and they'll say their 30s were at least ten times better than their 20s. Seriously, stop people on the street and ask.
Now I'm almost forty and going through the same things you are...And I bet in another 10 years I'll look back at 39 and realize I was a fool for stressing.
I'm going to be a fabulous 40, and you're going to be an even fabulous-er 30, guaranteed...
Feb 01, 2010
Grab those thirties, and grab 'em HARD. Truly the prime of your life. It does taper off in your forties - listen to Yeats.
Broken Dreams
There is grey in your hair.
Young men no longer suddenly catch their breath
When you are passing ....
So speaking as a mid-forties gal - make sure you have more than your looks to keep you happy - and keep your body well taken care of. Exercise and sunscreen!
cheers
Mine
Feb 01, 2010
I never dreaded my 30th birthday and played along when co-workers made over-the-hill jokes 'cause I guess they're funny, but I didn't really feel any anxiety over my age. I've had grey hair for YEARS already and still don't feel like a grown-up. But I'm only 31 and people still think I'm 25 and I get carded all the time.
I don't make any grand pronouncements that 30 is the new 20 and the next decade will "rock" 'cause age doesn't really seem to make a difference. I would not want to be 18 again, but only because to me, now, all the 18-year-olds just seem so silly and young. But I loved being 18 when I was 18. And I think that's my point. I'm happy with myself, at my age, what ever that is at the time.
Feb 01, 2010
You know, I think living in SF makes turning 30 harder, in a way... we're still tied to the implications that 30 carries in other parts of the country/world, but we live in a city where 30 is almost like a kick-off.
No matter what you haven't done, we're so happy to read about the things that you DO on a daily basis. You're pretty fabulous, lady!
Feb 01, 2010
I'm looking down the barrel of 40 (!) this year and have to say that my 30s SO kicked the ass of my 20s. I'm hoping my 40s follow the same pattern. I just keep asking myself: Am I happy where I am? Thankfully, I keep replying with a resounding YES!
You're 10 kinds of awesome and will find your 30s to be so, too.
Feb 01, 2010
I had the same kind of angst when I turned 25. It felt like I was supposed to be so together, like I had ARRIVED. Plus, it felt like I needed to leave behind all the fun and start acting like a grown up. And I wasn't feeling it.
Well, 25 came and went and what do you know- I was still having fun and, bit by bit, I was also finding my way into real adulthood. And THEN 30 happened. Some pretty cool stuff happened in my thirties, like starting a family. While I wouldn't ever wish away my young adulthood I can say without pause that my thirties were great for a lot of reasons. And so unto you.
Feb 01, 2010
turning thirty was not a big deal for me. (however i spent my 25th birthday crying, it was very traumatizing.)
i like my thirties a lot, i think you'll like yours too...
Feb 01, 2010
It's true. The day after 30 is soooo much better than the entire year before worrying about it. Plus, all the cool kids are 30.
Feb 01, 2010
I'll be 30 in July and this is where I am too. I'm happy, and I've done a lot and I'm okay.
Feb 01, 2010
I'm just chiming in to echo what so many have already said: I love being in my 30s much more than I loved being in my 20s. People used to say this to me, and I could not wrap my mind around it, but oh, man, my 30s are so good so far. I'm 34, and I can't wait to see what the rest of this decade brings.
Feb 02, 2010
Happy early birthday!
Feb 02, 2010
Your 30's are going to rock! I have enjoyed nearly four years of my 30's so far and it's way better than my 20's!
Feb 02, 2010
You know what I think. And also: I did kind of write that post with you in mind. :-)
Feb 02, 2010
Listen here, biotcharoonie... I'm 43, and if I can be 43 and still have movement and do cool stuff and... stuff, you can certainly be 30 and LIVE TO TELL THE TALE.
Jeebus, we have to put up with this angsty whining and WE DON'T EVEN GET TO SEE PICTURES OF YOUR BAD HAIRCUT???
I demand a refund.
Feb 02, 2010
When I was maybe 25 and too young and full of exceptionalist bravado to know anything, my dad said, "You know, your life matters just as much to you when you're 55 as when you are 25." And all of a sudden a lightbulb went off and I realized that it doesn't end until you die. There is wonder and adventure and love and hope there for the taking until your last breath. Happy birthday, fellow Aquarian. I'll be 40. Which is, you know, not the best LOOKING I I've ever been, but fine.
Feb 02, 2010
I say congratulations to you and your thirties.. I think we need to break the norm and start celebrating our 30th, like it is our 21st, (in the states anyway)minus maybe half the alcohol intake, that is just not healthy to do more then once in your life... Anyways... Like Jay Z says, "30s the new 20 (censor beep) I'm So Hot Still"
I say Rock your Thirties!!!
That is my plan, in about 8 months from now...
Happy Birthday
PS... I think having your husband bring you coffee in bed in the morning is definitely worth at least three checks off your "30 Things to do before your 30 list" That is just awesome! :)
Feb 02, 2010
Oh I totally had the same thoughts two and a half years ago when I turned 30. You will get over it quick. The part that still pisses me off is the damn lines on my face of which I am still searching for the perfect cream to hide/remove them.
Happy Preladed Birthday!
Feb 03, 2010
Happy birthday in advance! I sure wish I'm as together and with it as you are but I doubt anything much will change in the 8 months before I hit that age too! LOL
Feb 03, 2010
Hey, age is nothing but a mindset! I got carded on my 42nd birthday and then again one day when I was 48. I just turned 50 so go figure - were they blind??? No! - I don't act 50, I don't look 50 but maybe by the time I'm 70 (God forbid!) I will;) Enjoy all your years - life just gets better and better. I know - because I wrote the post card;) Oh, and don't forget the sunscreen!
Feb 03, 2010
Too many people freak out over 30 - way too much energy is wasted. GET OVER IT!
When I turned 30, my boyfriend was 38 so I felt like I was in no place to complain as he was getting dangerously close to the big four-oh. He also gave me advice - have a wake for your 20's because in a few years you'll be glad you're over them. He was right.
So I did. We went to The French Laundry for dinner and spent more on dinner than I was earning in a week at my crappy part-time job - but hey, grow old in style is what I figure. (and usually, style doesn't whine)
Feb 05, 2010
When I turned 30 I was determined to feel celebratory: I wanted a spa weekend with my very best girlfriends, from whom I'd moved away (to my great sorrow) the year before. But they all have small children and looked at me like I was crazy for suggesting a weekend away. In fact, they wouldn't even do a day away, but they could sneak out from 1:30-3:00 or after 7:30, though they pretty much collapse in exhaustion at 9:30.
Backup plan: my best gay boyfriend and I were going camping! In the desert! Wildflower hikes and hot springs! ... But then he forgot about it and booked a trip with a different group of friends for the same weekend.
Backup backup plan: fancy cocktails and an indulgent dinner at one of the city's greatest restaurants with our current BFFs. A blowout meal! Drunken hedonism! ... But then it turned out that our friend couldn't drink because she was pregnant. And the restaurant lost our reservation, treated us like it was our fault, and didn't seat us until 11:45.
Total disaster, right? But the nice thing about turning 30 is that you know that some days are better than others, some years better than others, and no matter how you are tested, you can survive.
Feb 05, 2010
I don't know what you'd have to give me to make me agree to go back to my 20s but it probably wouldn't be legal and it definitely wouldn't be cheap.
You'll love 30. Guaranteed.
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