The Princess And The Pee

Oh my word, I was just discussing this stuff with a friend the other day, and we were wondering why we had to face these problems in an environment(the office) that caters only to adults.

Loved the list, and I'm tempted to print this, and stick it on the doors to all the loos here at work!:D

Hahaha, great post. The talking-on-the-cell-phone thing just KILLS me- it makes me want to practice my armpit-farting skills so I can go to town next time I hear someone jabbering away in their stall. Ugh, so disgusting!

Ha, yes! On all of these except - I always assume that a toilet seat left up in a women's restroom means it hasn't been used since it was cleaned.

YES! So true! All of it!

What is with the pee on the seat? Seriously!

You have been totally hanging out at my office, haven't you?

I actually have started using a restroom considerably farther away from where I sit solely because it seems to get less traffic, and ergo, fewer ... "incidents."

I wonder if I posted your post in the other restroom it would end up on PA Notes?!

When I worked in my last office, the women's restroom always drove me nuts! We would get e-mails about the lack of cleanliness or respect to our fellow co-workers on a monthly basis. It already had notes on the back of the stall doors with a stop sign to remind people to check the state of the stall before they left it and yet? Scolding e-mails.

I always used the one downstairs instead.

Awesome post. I think you said it all. And if I'm in a bathroom with people on cell phones, I flush repeatedly on purpose.

I might have to print this out and post it on every single women's bathroom I visit.

Oh dear lord, I love this. I have never seen work restrooms as bad as the place I'm now working. A partial list of things wrong with them: used lady products on the floor, paper towels stuffed in the toilet and waste on top of that because guess what? toilet paper doesn't flush!, pee on the seats, foot prints on the seat, seat covers left behind, blood on the seat. Oh, the list goes on. In the men's room there was a marker flushed down the toilet as well as someone who left there, ahem, solid waste in the toilet, couldn't flush and just walked away from it only to have _another_ dude do his waste on top of that before telling maintenance.

I'm all for getting outhouses if people can't respect the bathroom.

I'v always said that women who do one or more of the things you mention above are exactly the people their mother's warned them about!

Oh, and the seat thing? In our office it's the cleaning people who leave the seat up. You know, the ones who have on rubber gloves? To clean the toilet? And then leave the seat up so that those of us who come in to use the toilet have to lower it with our bare hands?

Chris says that he sees guys talking on the phone while peeing ALL THE TIME. I've seen loads of exit exit my office bathroom while talking on their phones and, well, GROSS. just gross.

The husband's strategy is to fluch as many times as possible while that person is on the phone, so everyone on the other end gets the idea.

I just don't get how men aren't embarrassed by this. I would be so offended if I was talking to someone and figured out they were in the loo.

...And clearly I have a toddler wreaking havoc around my ankles right now because there are loads of typos above. SORRY.

The pee on the seat... Oh my god just put your ass on the seat lady. I know you don't want your virgin skin to touch the bacteria ridden seat, but if you touch door handles, gas pumps, or basically anything a human being has come in contact with you have been exposed. And also the seat would not be nearly as dirty if people did not pee on it so you are not part of the solution, you are part of the PROBLEM.

I think everyone has - or has heard - incredibly funny stories of those, ahem, multi-taskers who chat on the phone while in the loo.

(I love that word, loo. I'd use it more often, but I'm American and can't say it without sounding like I'm putting on airs, or trying to be like Madonna in her Guy Ritchie years.)

This is not an issue just in office buildings. I used to work with a woman who occasionally helped out her sister cleaning the interstate rest area bathrooms - according to her the ladies room was always more messy than the mens room.

I'm proud to be a woman who SITS ON TOILET SEATS. With her NAKED BUTT. No seat protector, no hovering. It's the SQUATTERS who ruin it for the rest of us. Think about it, do you ever put toilet paper protection down if you're visiting someone's home? And yet, DO YOU KNOW WHO HAS BEEN THERE BEFORE YOU? I rest my case.

Also, I am aware I would be an atrocious lawyer. "I REST MY CASE." Shameful, really.

I'm also not a fan of people who make small talk while you are in the stalls. If I say hi to you and you are also on the way to the bathroom, no problem. But once we get inside the stalls -- THE CONVERSATION STOPS! Do not keep asking me what I'm up to this weekend, how my day has been going -- just leave me alone to do my business and get out!

I am dumbfounded by the number of times I go into our restroom at work, which is used by less than 40 women, only to find someone has not flushed. Like WTF? I always flush, and then CHECK AGAIN TO MAKE SURE I've left the stall as orderly and clean as possible. Also those people that brush their teeth? In a public restroom? OMG I just about lost my breakfast. Those are probably the same people who use the seat covers and yet don't remove them. Ugh.

On number 2 -- oh, ha ha ha, get it? number 2?! -- AMEN! Whenever I hear someone on the phone in the bathroom, I repeatedly flush the toilet. Repeatedly. And then I repeatedly turn on the air hand dryer. Repeatedly.

And on number 4 -- nothing to get there -- it starts in fourth grade, when the mean girls hang out in the bathroom during snack recess and talk about other girls and generally intimidate any girl who might dare come in to pee. I'm a yard duty -- ha ha ha "doo-dy" -- parent volunteer and I kick those bitches out every single time I'm there.

The not washing the hands thing KILLS ME! I will unabashedly open-mouth STARE at people who don't wash their hands. Even if you don't feel you need to wash your hands because *you* are clean (whatever that means but I've heard it as an excuse), every surface in the restroom is teaming with disgusting germs that you probably should not transport back to your desk. Blech just the idea makes me want to go and wash my hands.

I am in AWE over people who don't wash their hands after using the restroom. Who are these people? Who raised them?

It is ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

Bravo! This is EXACTLY how I feel. I have ranted about it before: http://exschutz.blogspot.com/2008/09/urine-public-restroom.html

OMG, I think my neck is broken! Seriously...after reading each sentence I was so shaking my head YES to each of them! THANK YOU for putting this out there. I have always wondered why I have to wipe pee off the seat after grown women. It's disgusting. I guess they use the "hover" method and haven't good aim. I dunno but it's downright nasty!

Great post!

OH MY GOD. You have read my mind! We have a couple of other problems too...

1. THE LOO LURKERS. I cannot tell you how enraging it is for me to enter our three stall womens restroom and have someone be in a stall when I arrive and have them silently sit there and WAIT for me to do my entire business, including wash my hands before they will begin thier business. THIS MAKES ME VERY STABBY.

2. THE FLUSH AND BOLT. These people do not check to see if the toilet has even remotely flushed away thier "deposit".

3. THE BEAUTY QUEENS. These women arrive at work and then do 100% of thier grooming at the two sink counter. Leaving hair and makeup everywhere.

I work in one of the nicest highrises in Portland and we share the 7th floor with a bank. Bank Ladies, I loathe you and your bathroom antics.

As others have said, when the seat is up, I assume it's because the cleaning people have been in. And I just leave it like that and hover. After which, I wipe off anything I may have inadvertently dribbled on, it's really not that difficult.

On the toilet seat covers, I think that happens when women flush and then just turn and walk out without seeing if the cover has been swept away. It happens. This is one of the reasons I always stay and make sure the toilet flushes before I leave the stall. I don't know about the rest of you guys, but in my experience, workplace bathrooms don't always have the best plumbing. It's best to wait three seconds and make SURE before leaving the stall.

For the love of pig farmers everywhere, it is H1N1, not SWINE flu!

But swine flu is so much funnier.

Good lord, yes on all counts!

There are a couple of serious #2s (ha! not like that) that are on the phone constantly in the bathroom at my office. Sometimes when they do not seem to be peeing even. Which is just really not right.

Oh, the pee on the seat, it drives me INSANE! I mean, really! You don't want your kiester to even touch the seat, but it's ok for you to pee all over it before I sit on it? SO UNCOOL.

When I visited Switzerland and the ENTIRE SEAT rotated and sanitized after every flush, I knew I had found my people.

I LOVE that you did this. Especially the seat-peeing one. The WORST is when you don't notice that you're entering a post-seat-pee-er occupied stall, and sit down IN SOMEONE ELSE'S PEE. Really? Really?? You didn't want to sit on a seat, because your bum is too precious to subject to the horrors of a public toilet, so instead of using the toilet seat covers supplied for this precise occasion, you hovered. And sprayed pee everywhere. And then LEFT YOUR PEE FOR MY BUM TO SIT IN. My bum is a kind bum. It's considerate. It wouldn't hurt a fly, and it probably has never even met you so, why? Why would you, The Seat Pee-er, do that to my poor innocent bum?

My quandary is often with the small children who peer under the door. The only response I can ever come up with is "Um, hi?" What's the etiquette in that situation? Especially when some poor parent is obviously trying to keep tabs on one or more children while also seeing to their own peeing needs. Anyone?

NOTHING GROSSES ME OUT MORE than pee on the seat. I don't understand!!! I think it is SO SELFISH to leave your urine on a public seat!!! AND SO GROSS.

We have someone on our office floor who does that ALL THE TIME, and one day I will figure out who it is and punch them in the face. I feel THAT STRONGLY about this.

@ Elizabeth My husband was stationed in Germany years ago and he and a few buddies went into another town. There they found this magical toilet seat that did that exact same thing. They still talk about it to this day.

Pet peeves to add to the list:

People that cannot be bothered to

a) Put a new roll of toilet paper on the holder. (I work in a small office where we have stacks of brand new rolls of toilet paper in easy reach of the holder - but you have to *gasp* unwrap them from the plastic wrapping!!! The herculean effort this requires is obviously way too much for some people.)

b) Throw away the old cardboard tube IF they actually deign to put a new roll on the holder. They just leave it on the window ledge next to the toilet. What, after expending all that energy unwrapping the new roll, you're just too exhausted to carry two ounces of cardboard to the garbage can?

c) Pick up the gadam paper towel that you threw, which MISSED THE GARBAGE CAN, AND YOU DAMN WELL KNOW IT. Don't tell me I am the only one that can see it there on the floor, between you and the exit door.

And the funniest part about all this is that I know exactly which people in my office are the ones who are doing this stuff, although I have never seen the bathroom offenders in action. Because they would never do this stuff if someone was watching. They're the ones who always extend their ten minute breaks, overstay their lunch breaks, and leave crap at their workstation for other people to throw away when the tours change. They're the ones who leave dirty dishes in the breakroom sink for someone else to wash.

You slouchy scumbags, you think you're fooling everyone, but WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

My friends TOTALLY know that I "take them to the bathroom" with me. That's why we're friends. :)

As for pissing on the seat, dude. What the hell is up with that? Don't even get me started on the menstrual blood on the seat, or down the front of the bowl.

What really gets me is the girls who take like 10 minutes in the stall to do their bidness (particularly in a bar). I'm the world's quickest female peer--I'm in and out in 30 seconds tops. Really, you really want to just hang out and shoot the shit (pun intended) in a dirty public bathroom stall? This I will never understand.

I give this post a hearty "I second that!" and hope the nasty restroom users out there read this. Thanks for the laughs too!

Oh, these are such great additions! The people who continue to make small talk while you pee! The teeth-brushers! The people PLUCKING THEIR EYEBROWS AT THE MIRROR! The ones who don't pick up the paper towels they've dropped! All brilliant and so true. Let's add these to the compendium.

(PS: Emily, EXACTLY, that's my issue with those toilet seat covers entirely. Do people use them in their own homes? Do they take them to friend's houses and use them there? What do they think they're going to catch from a toilet seat anyway? Surely it isn't very eco-friendly? I've never seen them in any other country in the world. And WAY more in California than anywhere else.)

No. 4 is one of my big time pet peeves!

a couple months ago, the talking-on-cell-phones-in-the-bathroom thing got so bad that someone complained to HR and there was a big sign up on the bathroom door and we all got this lecture-y email sent to us. someone was concerned about privacy, because those cell phone thingys have cameras on them, i've heard, dontcha know? because that's really what middle-aged women in the work bathroom are doing with their cell phones in there. not annoying the rest of us with their conversations as we double flush to make certain their callee knows where they are.

and the seat covers, gah! don't people know toilet seats have fewer germs than the handles, door, floor, etc., anyway? but for sure, if you use it, make sure the damn thing flushes down!

but yes, the peeing on the seat is the worst. NO ONE WOULD HAVE TO HOVER IF THE HOVERERS DIDN'T PEE ALL OVER THE SEAT TO START WITH.

I share unisex bathrooms with all the guys at work (maybe 10% of the employees are women) and so I blame all the bathroom issues on the men. We have gotten emails about changing the toilet paper rolls (and which way the roll should be oriented). But no emails reminding the boys not to pee on the floor!

How does that happen?

At least this building has a toilet for every 10 employees. The last office had 2 for 50 and we literally had to wait in line.

hilarious, Holly. the best quote I overheard in a women's public bathroom was over this past summer. I was with a few friends and we walked into the public bathroom and quickly exchanged knowing glances when we heard a loud voice emanating from the (closed) door of the only occupied stall. the culprit had a canvas bag sitting on the floor (ew, germs) featuring knitted pictures of cats (ok, so I know you have cats, but I doubt you're a "cat lady" - unless you have a secret collection of cat handbags that you haven't told us about?). she was talking loudly about this and that on her cell phone and the one quote that stuck in my mind was when she said "are my cigarettes still in the refrigerator?"

I'm not a smoker, so maybe that's where cigarettes are kept, but really, WTF?

the kicker was also that she sat in the stall and chatted for a few more minutes but it was obvious that she was finished with, um, her business and was just sitting there and CHATTING. like that's normal or something.

My work bathroom had the best passive aggressive note EVER, but it was (passive-aggressively) taken down before I could get a picture of it. The gist was, whoever you are, person who poops in this particular stall EVERY morning and then does not flush it, for the love of god please stop it.

So, yes, my work bathroom has some problems as well. In fact, every single problem that you listed. Oh, and I can tell you from overhearing a chronic work bathroom barfer -- that's who's leaving the seat up.

Re: the seats up in the women's room, I've always assumed that the cleaning crew left the lids up when they were done and that toilet had not been used since. But I see others have already said this.

I spend lots of time in airports and convention centers, and as such the appropriate amount of time in public restrooms. I have seen some gnarly stuff, including "ladies" (and I use that term loosely) who don't take care of their hygiene situations during their "special time." Barf-a-roni.

OMG I HATE when people hang out in the bathroom and chit chat. It's just wrong. Would it kill you to walk outside of the bathroom? ICK. ICK. ICK. And, because you think it is OK to chit chat in the bathroom, it is OK FOR ME to tell everyone I know what you are talking about.

What about the lovely ladies that let their poop noises rip through the silence while you rush to finish up your business before the smell catches up with the sound?

AMEN! The peeing on the seat thing makes me the most mad though. FURIOUS! You don't want to touch the toilet seat fine, learn how to squat properly or don't pee in public restrooms. Don't make me clean up your damn pee.

There is a woman at my office who BRINGS A BOOK WITH HER INTO THE STALL. OH MY GOD THE HORROR. Also, there are MANY people at work who "wash their hands" by running them under the water for a total of 2 seconds, no soap of course. To me, this is just as bad as not washing.

RIGHT ON!

How did you know I have been thinking these exact same things??? (Except for #5. The only time I've seen lifted lids is when it's a clean bathroom and the cleaning staff has left it up as a sign that the stall has been cleaned - I actually get excited when I see this. But you are in SF...could be transvestites). And also, what about the ladies that drop pieces of t.p. on the floor? I say PICK THEM UP AND FLUSH THEM. You dropped it, so take care of it.

AND...I read an article in "Reader's Digest" once, and did you know that the toilet seat (even with pee - but except for if it's poo) is usually the cleanest part of the bathroom. Cause butt cheeks usually aren't dirty, pee is sterile, and typically no hands have touched it - go figure.

oooh, I just remembered the hand written note that was in the bathroom of one of our favorite restaurants growing up(and I'm sure every one knows this little jingle),
"If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat!".

I used to like going to the bathroom just to read this pearl of wisdom. And as I recall, it was a pretty tidy place.

The old office that I worked at shared a floor with about 25 other offices. There was one woman who worked on our floor who would DEFECATE ALL OVER THE BACK OF THE TOILET at LEAST once a week. Now- I mean, it did not even make it into the bowl- at ALL. It was the most disgusting and unsanitary thing I have ever witnessed.

A) how does that even HAPPEN?

and

B) How do you not notice it before you leave the stall?

There are so many other questions to ask regarding this particular bathroom horror....

To Jen who posted about brushing teeth in the public restroom at work. This makes me so nauseated, I can't even tell you. I even told my former coworker about this issue I had and she just laughed. Thankfully, I have found someone who feels the same way so thanks Jen!....
And Holly: Thank you thank you thank you for the post! I couldn't help laughing and had to confess to my husband what my hysterics were all about! Thanks for puttin a smile on my face today!

U think women's restrooms are bad?! at least you aren't the only woman that shares the office bathroom with 10 guys. They do the same things but don't think of it as gross at all and get all pissed when i ask them to go flush their poop and spray the air freshener so i can use the bathroom without dying from the fumes.
...and then i get to do the deep cleaning as well...ick

AMEN! Just got back from a quick trip to my firm's DC office and what was my first comment to a co-worker there? Your bathrooms are so NICE! And CLEAN! How does that happen? And I repeated the story like an urban legend to co-workers in my office in NY.
I will confess to being a seat cover user because that is how my mother taught me thought I get that they aren't really necessary. But the thing I noticed twice in airport bathrooms the last couple of days are women who think running their hand (only one!) under water for 1.5 seconds counts as washing. Ick, Ick, ICK! I hate public bathrooms. Especially the seat peers.

Wow. That was a comprehensive list! My #1 pet peeve is the pee on the seat too.

ALSO? And I know this isn't TOTALLY fair, but OH MY GOD....if you have smelly, um, runs....STAY AT HOME!! Nothing, but NOTHING makes me want to choke to death than when I enter a stall, that has just been bombed. ACK!

Okay, please tell me how you manage to flush the toilet as loud as you can?!? My toilet flushing volume is lacking and I'd love to increase it a few notches! LOL :-)

AWESOME!

My old job, the toilet seats would be up in the morning because they cleaning ladies didn't put it back down after cleaning.

My old job also had a little sitting area outside where the toilets were and people would take naps in there on the couches. RIGHT NEXT TO WHERE PEOPLE WERE DOING THEIR BUSINESS!

When I worked for the 49ers, we got a catered lunch every day. And the Controller was NOTORIOUS for not washing her hands. So we started passive-aggressively leaving notes for her because then at lunch when we see you take some chips out of a bowl with your hand, we would want to vomit!

Three things.

1. Umm... I talk on my phone in the bathroom, but only to close friends and family and I don't really care if they know or not to be honest. Everybody pees, if they hear me so what?

2. I HATE it when people pee on the seat/leave toilet seat covers on the toilet. Annoying!

3. You are going to get some wicked "Butt Touch" "Touch Butt" click throughs from google! :)

All of this is so completely true at my office.

I actually had to report the cleaning people a couple years ago because when they used the facilities, they never washed their hands!!!!! They would CLEAN the bathroom with gloves on, but then when they peed, they wouldn't wash. And I work at a Biotech company (hello we ALL know about germs)!!!

Hi Holly...
This has nothing to do with Seat covers...peeing... shooting the breeze in the loo or any number of those things.. It is however if you chose to accept it.. the Honest Scrap Award.. It was bestowed upon me.. and requires I pass it on to blogs I like.If you ARE intersted.. the instructions are on my blog..
Thanks... and tell your Mum her dress for the wedding was FAB !!

Amen to that! A couple of weeks ago I was out at a restaurant and in the ladies' room stall was a sign that said "Ladies - Please Stay Seated For The Duration of Your Performance". I thought that was perfect.

My office has installed a hand sanitizer outside the men's restroom. (eww?) As i was going into the Ladies the other day i saw one of out execs come out and use the sanitizer. So at least if the men aren't washing their hands they're sanitizing. thank god.

we have the flush and run types too in the ladies room, that don't wash their hands. it's pretty gross. If i ever catch someone doing that i will give them my most withering "shame on you" look and hope they actually stop and wash up.

Gee Holly, I do believe you have struck a common chord among women everywhere

Sometimes pee on the seat is really pee, but more often than not it's an over active toilet that splashes itself. Trust me, I've seen it.

Also, if you are the first one to visit a stall after it's been cleaned, the seat will be up. I don't know why, but all cleaning staff leave the seats up when they are done.

Otherwise, yes, all you say is true.

two words:

courtesy flush.

There's only eight other females in my office and I'm too scared to vent about the state of the toilet and other toilet etiquette in case I inadvertently chose one of them to complain about!

There's at least one who feigns hand washing - turning the tap on and off fast enough that there was no way humanly possible that the hand that turned the tap could've gotten underneath and washed adequately. And people look at me quizzically when they spot me coming through the third set of doors from the bathroom to the main work area with the sanitiser in my hand waiting for after I've had to suffer through all the doors they've opened without washing their hands.

On another hand washing strain, I hate that they decided to switch soap providers to a cheaper one, which is now giving my skin havoc because it's got more bad stuff in it for sensitive skin, but if I bring my own special soap in and leave it in the bathroom, everyone else uses it. I'm not always at my desk and don't always have time to go back to grab my soap because I don't always have the best pee alert warning system.

There's one person who used to refuse to use the air freshener because she didn't like how it smelt. WHO CARES if you don't like it, you're not the one who has to put up with the smell if you don't spray! That's partially been fixed now, except with a spray that goes constantly, which makes me gag, but a gag I can live with!

Half the people don't understand how to work the toilet paper dispensers. They hold 3 rolls, but when the accessible roll is finished, they leave the cardboard tube there, then get a new one from the stash by the basins and dump it on top of the dispenser. Who cares about the other two rolls that are in there, and require just a push of a button to move the tube out the way and expose a fresh one.

Luckily not too often am I accosted with sani-related mess or pee on the seat (I agree with someone above - a lot of the liquid on the seat appears to be the over eager flush), but what gets me is when people leave their tampon wrappers sitting ON TOP of the sani-waste bin. Hopefully that'll change in the future when those get replaced too with the kind that you don't need to touch but wave your hand over to open (though I've come across plenty of them that don't work).

The flushers on our toilets are really inconsistent, sometimes over eager, sometimes a pathetic dribble. I always hang on to make sure that the pathetic dribble gets rid of any trace my waste , but sometimes I feel I'm the only one. I sometimes wonder if it's because they've been 'taught' that it's wrong to look in the bowl after? I've had enough bowel/urinary problems to make it a natural part of the toilet visit to double check visually the colour etc to make sure there's not something I should be worried about. TBH, my best toilet colleague was also one who has experienced similar problems, who knows, maybe that made us more aware and more pedantic of our toilet surroundings?

Great post. I'm tempted to post it next to the ones we have in our office loos which reads "Please leave these facilities in the same condition you would expect to find them" (Well, I expect to find them in a pretty gross condition...)

I am so thorough about the handwashing thing myself I even switch off the taps and open doors with my elbow or holding a bit of paper to avoid recontamination. So it really made me laugh after I used the loo after a classical concert: the stall I was in had a basin, so I washed my hands there, then left. The next woman in line muttered under her breath "wash your hands!". I hope she was embarrassed to see that there was a basin in the cubicle itself. Hah.

On another issue: has anyone else heard of women flushing AS THEY DO a "number two"? A friend of mine says she was taught by her mother to turn and pull the flush handle at the very instant (sorry to be graphic) the poop hits the water. To disguise the sound. Why? Because it's so unnatural and should never be done in a toilet? Weird...