Weird Things I Have Found On My Hallway Table

I thought we'd take a bit of a break from all the wedding wedding wedding stuff around here, especially since pretty soon it's going to be more like wedding wedding wedding wedding wedding wedding wedding wedding wedding wedding wedding wedding wedding wedding wedding, all the way through August. Sorry about that! My life seems to have been distilled down to this one major event, you see, and it occupies 98% of my brain at the moment, the other two percent being reserved for Friday Night Lights and....nope, I was trying to think of something else, but that's pretty much just all I'm doing at the moment: planning my wedding and watching Friday Night Lights. Don't you wish you were me? Come over, we'll do an avocado face mask, talk about how pointy Lyla Garrity's chin is, and assemble programs all night!

Anyway, thank goodness I have the table in my apartment building hallway to distract me during this exciting and tumultuous time. Have I told you about the table in my apartment building hallway? Oh yes, look, I have, right here. The thing about the table in my apartment building hallway, in case you need a refresher, is that it's a communal table: people leave all sorts of things out there that they don't want, and anyone else in the building is welcome to take them. This is how I dispose of 99% of my Us Weeklys, and it's also how Sean got rid of a scanner, which we both still believe to be The Undisputed Score Of The Hallway Table, Best Of All-Time. Has anyone else ever put anything half as cool as a scanner out there for people to take for free? No, they have not. Well, okay, there was a fondue set once, but I think the scanner still wins. Which one of my fellow apartment-dwellers took that marvelous scanner, I wonder? And why don't they genuflect when they see me in the elevator in the morning?

Most of the time, it must be said, the things on the hallway table are pretty benign: a not-yet-expired bus ticket, an old paperback, magazines. But every once in a while, the things on the hallway table are just.....well, you sort of wonder why people are leaving them on the hallway table, I guess. And, more to the point, WHO IS PICKING THEM UP.

Exhibit A, my friends, is a half-used jar of petroleum jelly I found on the hallway table a few months ago. Please note that this is not even brand-name petroleum jelly, oh no, no high-falutin' Vaseline for these folks, not when the Walgreens own will do just as well. Except apparently it doesn't do just as well, come to think of it, since its owner left it on the hallway table and all. Perhaps next time they'd do better not to risk the lavender and chamomile scent and stick with the basics?

Exhibit B: a slightly-used bottle of low-fat roasted garlic balsamico salad dressing---excuse me, salad splash. There are about eight million reasons why I would never take a half-used bottle of salad splash from the hallway table, top of the list being WELL, HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN THERE? I mean, that doesn't seem very sanitary, does it? How did you get your salmonella poisoning, Holly? Hmm, I don't know, it could be that raw chicken I ate, or maybe that one time I cracked an egg in a glass and drank it---wait, no, I know, it was probably from that half-used bottle of salad dressing I took from the hallway table in my apartment after every else had ignored it and walked past it all day. Whoops!

Exhibit C turned out to be a toothbrush, despite the fact that I initially thought it was a kitchen knife and was tempted to add it to my stash of kitchen knives, which are all the better to cut myself with accidentally while clumsily chopping carrots. When I peered closer, however, and saw it was a toothbrush---used? unused? YOU'LL NEVER KNOW, THAT'S THE GAMBLE---I took three giant strides back and left it quite alone. Disturbingly, it was gone the next morning.

I have saved Exhibit D for last, my friends, because I believe it to be the best thing the free hallway table has ever seen, and there are so many things to say about it that I just don't know where to begin. This little duo was on the table today when we got home from work, and we both stared at it, boggle-eyed, for several seconds before saying anything.

Let's recap:

a) That is a videotape.

b) That is a videotape entitled "Jenny McCarthy: The Playboy Years."

c) That is Jenny McCarthy on the cover of the videotape, possibly sometime during the early 90s, if we are to use her hair as any kind of clue.

d) To the right of the videotape entitled "Jenny McCarthy: The Playboy Years" with a 90s-era picture of Jenny McCarthy on the front is a.....well, I don't even know what it is, I didn't want to get too close. It appears to be called the "Playmate DVD Calendar Collection 2000-2005," which would be a bizarre enough thing to LEAVE OUT FOR FREE IN A PUBLIC LOBBY, A LOBBY THAT LITTLE OLD LADIES FREELY PASS THROUGH, but the fact that it is wrapped in a plastic bag and tied neatly with a little green tag just elevates it to a whole new level of weirdness.

Okay, I'm going to go outside right now and check whether Exhibit D is still there. I'm putting fifty bucks on it that it's gone.

***********************************

Damn, Internet, you owe me fifty bucks. It's gone. Apparently someone in the 21st century still owns a VCR. 

1
Noelley
Aug 04, 2009

I wonder if the person who left Exhibit D is the same person who left the petroleum jelly. Perhaps they're trying to curb their porn addiction?

2
Nicki
Aug 05, 2009

Okay. I love it! This almost makes me miss communal living. Almost...
I've discovered living with S, my kids, and our garage monkey is almost nearly as entertaining.

3
Ashlea
Aug 05, 2009

Noelley, Dont forget the tooth brush! Just to get a little texture in there :)

4
Vicki
Aug 05, 2009

Wow! That is a lot of very random stuff for a communal hall table. The best thing I've ever found on ours is a collection of English magazines (I live in France so this was quite a score)
I wonder who is hanging out with the Jenny McCarthy collection, a tub of vaseline, hot sauce and a tooth brush in your building? The mind boggles!

5
Amy
Aug 05, 2009

The best thing people leave in my front hall are a couple of those very large super-deluxe strollers. Which I find funny, because that's not where I leave my bike when I want to find it the next day... Sorry, just a bit bitter after stubbing my toe on one for the third time. I'd much prefer your communal hall table.

6
alisa
Aug 05, 2009

hahahHA...exhibit D...oh man. Maybe the person who took the videos is the same one who took the...naw, I shouldn't say it;0)

I wish I had a table like that in my building!

7
soul-fusion
Aug 05, 2009

I want a table like that in my building! The closest thing we have is a giant bin in the back hallway for clothing donations (which I love!) but I view that as strictly for giving to and not taking from. I guess the garbage chute room gets some interesting stuff but I view it all as garbage and would likewise never take.....

8
Danielle
Aug 05, 2009

The hallway in our old building only had old magazines and books to share. This is way more interesting. Being of the curious sort, I'd be tempted to stake out the lobby to see where this stuff was going.

9
Georgia
Aug 05, 2009

The building I moved into a few months ago has the same hallway situation...and I LOVE IT! Every time I pass the hallway I get all excited about what I'll find: really bad used cd's?! An X-rated stuffed animal (seriously)?! A nice old coffee table (took it!)?! It's really so awesome, and makes up for the fact that the building and the neighborhood are kinda falling apart.

10
Kristabella
Aug 05, 2009

I bet whoever took the porn wished he took the petroleum jelly too.

11
kage
Aug 05, 2009

We also have the same thing going on in our apartment building - I've ditched a few candle holders and picked up a couple books in my time. I love the weird items...like the 80's printer that disappeared pretty darn fast...we've never seen anything like what you posted though! Pretty strange!!

12
Kelly
Aug 05, 2009

Seriously creepy!

13
Mom of Michelle
Aug 05, 2009

I say someone needs to do a stake-out of some of these items. You might find a really INTERESTING neighbor!

14
Laura
Aug 05, 2009

I missed the last post and was 'paging down' to read it, so all I've seen from this one is the pictures and "Damn, Internet, you owe me fifty bucks."

I cannot wait to read it.

15
Laura
Aug 05, 2009

That's fantastic.

I have scored a lamp, a chair, a mirror, and four dinner plates from the clean corner of my building's garbage room. Hooray for reusing!

16
elizabethsheryl
Aug 05, 2009

*giggles*

Now I want to live in an apartment building with a communal table. Except where I live it would probably be Evangelical Christian fiction with titles like "Thy will be done: the story of a troubled girl who didn't wait for marriage" and WWE collectible mugs. *sigh*

17
jennifer in sf
Aug 05, 2009

People leave free stuff in our lobby-hallway area but nothing this bizarre. I might have to put a table down there and see if we can't up the ante.

18
Helen
Aug 06, 2009

Living in a house, we can't really score items left in a communal space, but as a member of the local Freecycle group, I am constantly amazed what people will list as being available. And what then gets taken! I'm all for recycling and reusing, and you can get some amazing things, but some of its latest offerings include pond weed (can't imagine that being placed on a hall table for collection), ball-pit balls (I don't even know what these are) and a crystal growing kit.

19
Sensibly Sassy
Aug 06, 2009

I cant' decide what weirds me out more, the petroleum jelly or the playboy in a sealed plastic bag...I think it might be the jelly that creeps me out. I dunno I can't explain it but it's just gross, it's kinda like your phobia of wooden spoons.
P.S. check this out
http://thepioneerwoman.com/homeandgarden/2009/07/housewarming-gift/

20
E
Aug 06, 2009

I have to assume that the person who disposed of the toothbrush either (a) USED the brush and didn't like it, and if so YUCK or (b) somehow has realized that they will no longer be needing their teeth brushed so why hold on to a pesky tooth brush? I don't know about everyone else, but I don't throw out toothbrushes. I keep 'em around for cleaning purposes? Although, I'm saving my current toothbrush to use on my dog's mouth. I think it should be soft enough. Am I alone with that?

21
Karen
Aug 06, 2009

You never know though, perhaps someone took those DVDs in order to destroy them so that no kids would pick them up. When it comes to unsanitary things like opened salad dressing (which should be REFRIGERATED), toothbrushes and vaseline, I'd probably pick them up and throw them out just so that they aren't sitting around grossing me out every time I walk by.

22
sutswana
Aug 08, 2009

The pop-up ad next to this column for Arm & Hammer/Oxi-Clean that says, "Tell us about your most difficult stain and enter a chance to win..." is pretty funny in tandem with these items.

23
Kitty
Aug 08, 2009

At least he had the decency to wrap the thing up. Doesn't playboy normally come in some kind of bag which makes it hard to see the cover pic? I think I've seen that before. I mean, we wouldn't want any minors to see that business now would we? There should really be a sign though.

24
Lizzie
Aug 31, 2009

I'm late to the party here (sometimes I miss things in the google reader!), but I just have to say how jealous I am of this table. My building has a similar set-up, except it's a shelf/ledge thing above the trash cans. Which is good in that, whatever's still there on Tuesdays just goes out with the trash, which takes care of anything unwanted. But it's also... outside. And we're in Boston. Which means perfectly good things can get ruined by rain or snow pretty frequently. Boo.

25
Brenley
May 19, 2016

Hvor er han skøn ham Rufus. Godt han kan lide din kage :P Han er en rigtig flot hund! Han er fo¦klrÃet – nøjagtig ligesom vores Kenzo er det :P

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