All The Wedding You Can Eat

I might as well tell you that all you're going to get around these parts for the next week or so is wedding-related stuff, and I'm sorry for that, but at least you've been warned. Because my wedding is in eight---count 'em, eight---days, Internet, and if you're thinking "boy, time sure has flown," rest assured that I am thinking it too. Oh wait, did I say thinking? I meant HOWLING.

Actually, you know, I'm not really that stressed. I think I sort of figure hey, the wedding's going to happen when it happens, nothing I can do to slow the time down a little so I can hand-stamp 100 more cocktail napkins, might as well enjoy these last few days of wedding planning while I can. If there's one thing I live in constant fear of, you see, it's regret, and I don't want to regret that I spent these last few days leading up to the big day in a frenzied state of OH MY GOD I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT THERE'S SO MUCH TO DO I'M GOING TO DIE. That doesn't sound very fun, now, does it? So instead, I'm trying my best to breathe in, breathe out, make lists, go with the flow, and figure that everything will work itself out just fine in time for the day itself.

(If you are a member of my immediate family, you are most likely rolling about on the floor right now in mirth. Hear that incredulous laughter all the way from Singapore? That's my brother Tom. I have many distinctive character traits, you see, but "going with the flow" could never, ever be said to be one of them. I believe "running around like a neurotic badger" would be closer to the truth. Still, I'm trying, so that counts.)

And now, some things before I forget:

1) Thank you all so much for your suggestions on what Sean and I should do in Australia. I was absolutely flabbergasted by how many people came out of the woodwork with recommendations and ideas, and I plan to go through the comments with a fine-tooth comb on the plane and hash out some type of itinerary based solely on The Wisdom of the Internet. Oh, you a wonderful and well-traveled bunch. Thank you again so much.

2) My sister and my mother were researching places near my parents' house for the three of us to get mani-pedis before the wedding. On their travels, they came across one they really liked the look of, and its name was Nails 2 U. Now I ask you, does "Nails 2 U" not sound like a particuarly scathing insult? "Damnit, you took the last parking space! Nails to YOU, buddy!" "Oh, you're going to jam your enormous carry-on into the space above my seat so I can't store my own bag up there? Well, nails to YOU, pal!" I highly recommend using "nails to you!" in situations where "GOOD DAY, SIR!" and "Sucks to your ass-mar" just won't do. Why, I've been using it all weekend. Nails to YOU, lady who wouldn't accept my 40% off coupon at Michael's! NAILS TO YOU.

4) My favorite email of the last week, which has gone a long way to keeping me as calm as I am claiming to be above, came from my good pal Jemima. She wrote:

"If you start to get stressed, remember that everyone will be there (and you presumably invited them) because they love you. They are not going to give you a bad wedding rating with the New York Times because the lanterns don't flutter up and down instead of to and fro. If a freaking hurricane blows in and dinner burns, but you and Sean are husband and wife by Sunday morning, the whole event will still be a success. You and Sean are the important part, just remember that."

And then, because she is my good pal Jemima and because we've been joking about her "accidentally" wearing a big white dress and a mini veil to the wedding and then acting all surprised, she followed it up with "Incidentally, how are you doing your hair, by the way? I need to know, so I can have my stylist do the same thing but BETTER!"

3) We picked up my wedding ring yesterday, which was very exciting, and I came home and tried it on with my engagement ring. And while I know that's bad luck, I just couldn't resist, because they both looked so sparkly together and it was like my left hand was suddenly starring in its very own P. Diddy music video, so I kept it on for just a few minutes while I typed a Twitter entry that read:

And then I kid you not, three minutes later my inbox dinged and I opened my email to discover this:

Would you look at that, I've been cursed by Twitter! Man, I guess the Internet really does make all things possible.

Aug 28, 2009

Great advice/wisdom from your friend! In the end, remember to dance AS MUCH AS YOU WANT...don't stress about talking to every single person. Just dance and play and drink and eat and enjoy all of your hard work. Be sure to ask at least one person "How do you like your Personalized by Holly Burns cocktail napkin?" and give your new husband lots of kisses. Whenever you feel like it. Its your wedding...enjoy it and try as hard as possible to live in the moment.

Best wishes to the Bride & Groom!

Operation Pink Herring
Aug 28, 2009

All that counts is that you're trying, because some of us... we just weren't meant to go with the flow. And that's OK! Plan the shit out of that wedding for these last final days, and enjoy!

Aug 28, 2009

There's a nail salon in Minneapolis called "Do Me Nails". I'm pretty sure they mean it in THAT way, too. I mean, how else could that be interpreted?

Aug 28, 2009

NAILS 2 U sounds really scary and soup nazi'ish actually. Like if they don't like your chosen colors, they will suddenly pull out the PowerMaster Plus and nailgun you to the wall. NO NAILS FOR YOU! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!!

It really will be most entertaining when I arrive in my white lacey dress, because I will look like a STEAMBOAT a la Mark Twain. You can use me and my enormousness as the backdrop for all pictures, like a snowy landscape.

Aug 28, 2009

I love the auto followers on Twitter. I talked about that Death Panel lady and how she looked so stupid on The Daily Show and the next thing I knew, Death Panel Party was following me on Twitter.

I cannot believe it is in EIGHT days! SO EXCITING!

May @ Anne and May
Aug 28, 2009

Jemima is so wise. She sent me some words of wisdom before my wedding and I found them very calming too.

Also, black cloud? I CAN'T GET OVER HOW FUNNY THAT IS!

Hairy Farmer Family
Aug 28, 2009

Neurotic badger?!


Aug 28, 2009

Love the Twitter story! I'm curious how A Black Cloud has 3600 followers, yet 0 Tweets. That's 400 more followers than ABC is following!

She Likes Purple
Aug 28, 2009

The one thing I'm glad I did, periodically throughout the day, was stop and tell myself, "Remember this. Remember this right here." It all flies by so quickly and I didn't want to forget anything if I could help it. I did this right before walking down the aisle. I took five seconds and just remembered that moment. It's the one piece of advice I give other brides: just stop, every now and then and take it all in.

Aug 28, 2009

I have three points to add to Jemimah's comment:

1. Something WILL go wrong. There is nothing you can do to prevent it, and no way to predict it. Here is what you need to remember when this happens: no one notices, and the ones who DO notice don't care at all. The only one who cares is the bride, not her guests.

2. This brings me to my second, and much more important point. On the wedding day, NO ONE brings any problems or decisions to the bride. You are responsible for spreading this information to all applicable parties BEFORE the day of the wedding. Problems and decisions become the domain of the maid of honor, and if she can't handle it, or is unsure about how the bride feels, it becomes the groom's job. The bride is to remain unemcumbered throughout the day.

3. And this brings me to my third, and MOST important point. If you notice anything that is not happening according to plan, it is your job, as the bride, to ignore it, and pretend you don't know. At the same time, you are to push it out of your mind, and actually, truly, genuniely not care about it, because all the caring is to be finished up the day before. you are to prepare for this disconnection starting now.

That is all.


Aug 28, 2009

What I want to know is this: did Barack Obama return his RSVP card?

Aug 28, 2009

I actually know someone who got their band stuck on their finger before the wedding. Tread carefully!

Camels & Chocolate
Aug 28, 2009

Dude, welcome to the party.

The black cloud has been following me (on Twitter, in real life) for ages. And as you know my history with luck, I'm sure that hardly shocks you.

Aug 28, 2009

The black cloud is HILARIOUS.

Aug 28, 2009

Hand-stamping the cocktail napkins is certainly a point where you and I diverge in life. But good luck juggling all this! Before you know it, the day will fly past in a blur and you'll look back on these pre-wedding months as a very short, hectic, but exciting time.

I'm pretty sure A Black Cloud follows anyone who mentions their "bad luck" in a Tweet. I'm also pretty sure it is hilarious.

Aug 29, 2009

I laughed out loud over the twitter bit.

Last night I was eating fortune cookies while I tried to find the perfect fortune. (It had to be something about me being thin and beautiful.) And suddenly I realized I'm scarfing down fortune cookies while I try to get thin and beautiful.

The last fortune I opened:

Your mentality is alert, practical, and analytical.

Ah. Fortune cookie wisdom.

The wedding will come off wonderfully. You'll have a thousand more moments to record. And the Internet will

Aug 29, 2009

So exciting!

Someone gave me good advice 8 days before my wedding and I'm going to pass it along.

Set a time on the hour (4:05, 5:05, 6:05 - for example) and tell your maid of honor to scan the room at that time and make sure you and your new HUSBAND are together. If you aren't it's her job to get the two of you together (next to each other!) for at least the next five minutes.

My husband and I are both super social people (as I imagine you two are!) and with all the socializing and greeting it's easy to get distracted from who you are there to enjoy the most!

Aug 30, 2009

To add to Melissa's great suggestion, I read another story on some wedding website where the bride and groom decided to hold hands from the ceremony on so that they were together for the rest of the day. It's easy to get pulled apart during the reception when one of you goes to say hello to one friend or another and then realize, hey, I haven't seen my new spouse for the last two hours!

People are there to share in your joy, not nitpick the details so if something goes wrong, let it go. I'm a total control freak and I thought that would be the hardest thing about my wedding day, but when things did go wrong, I just laughed it off by reminding myself that I JUST GOT MARRIED! In comparison, it didn't really matter that the florist made my bouquet (and my sisters' bouquets) wrong.

Yes, all three bouquets were done incorrectly - and normally I would have taken pictures with my camera and sent her an email afterward to tell her exactly what was wrong, but I didn't even bother documenting the mistakes with my camera. I just decided oh well, who will even know or care?

The day just flies by, so take moments to really breathe it in and enjoy it.

One fun idea that I borrowed from a friend (who borrowed it from a cousin who borrowed it from someone else) was that we did away with that glass clinking = kiss thing. If anyone wanted us to kiss, they had to come up to the microphone and sing, which made for some unexpected fun!

Victoria Leigh
Aug 31, 2009

Just wanted to share that this morning after someone rolled up under my open window playing Metallica - Nothing Else Matters at 7 am my first thought was 'Nails to YOU Mr. 7 am Metallica... yes, indeed Nails to YOU! as I pulled another pillow over my head.

Aug 31, 2009

I'm so happy for you, neurotic badger -like tendencies and everything!

Also, just realized I'll be in your neck of the SoCal woods next Saturday, will be sending lots of fluttery-lantern karma your way.


Aug 31, 2009

OMG, did you see Peter Campbell DANCING on the most recent episode of Mad Men????

He was GREAT! First time I ever saw a genuine smile on his face - he was having a blast.

Sep 01, 2009

oh my god.
the black cloud following you.
I'm dying. seriously.

Sep 01, 2009

Ok, so the other night I dreamt I was at your wedding. I know weird and wrong on so many levels - you don't even know me, I don't know you but clearly your recent blog posts had an effect on my subconcious. My subconcious is a strange and mysterious place I'm sure. Like last week I had this dream where I was driving a dodgem car and... what the heck was I talking about?
Oh yeah... you'll be happy to know the wedding went off without a hitch, you both looked fabulous and Barack and Michelle did turn up, so you might want to brush up on the etiquette for that particular situation. Dream me certainly wished she had - what does an Australian citizen call the American president??
Have a fabulous day Holly and Sean and may this be the start of a long and happy life together as man and wife!


Your wedding is fast approaching. I bet you're really excited. I wish you all the best and good luck on this new episode of your life. God bless you!

Sep 03, 2009

omg that made me laugh so hard- a black cloud suddenly follows you on twitter???

i cant wait to hear all about your wedding!!!!!!!!

Feb 16, 2010

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Mar 10, 2010

You're right. Nails 2 U does not sound very customer friendly. But what do you think of our nailsalon.
Teptep to you pal does not sound very nice too :D

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May 19, 2016

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