So I have a new trick, and the trick is this: every week, I write my to-do list as though the President were asking me to do the things on it. Genius! I know! Because then I'm all "Well, Obama wants me to order my new contact lenses and email that guitarist about playing during the cocktail hour and fax the contract to the caterer. So: DONE!"
Somewhere in my head, you see, there's a little fear that if I don't do the things the President of the United States has (not actually really) asked me to do, I'm going to come home one day and find the FBI waiting on my doorstep, arms folded menacingly, black suits crisp and sinister, sunglasses mirrored and threatening.
"Now, President Obama asked you to order those stamps for your invitations," they'll say, ominously. "And you were too busy watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey, weren't you? Well, I'm afraid that's it, ma'am. You're coming with us. Get in the back of the van."
(The FBI would totally call you ma'am. Don't you think? And probably wouldn't take too kindly to it if you insisted on mademoiselle, because it's prettier. Or even madam, I bet.)
Before you think I've lost my mind, I should explain that I have a stack of post-it notes with Obama's likeness on them. My old boss picked them up for me when she attended the Presidential Inauguration in January and brought them back to the office, where they sat on my desk next to my normal, boring, yellow post-its, and---up until about three weeks ago---were only used for special occasions. Now, however, my weekly to-do list has become one of those special occasions. For the past few Mondays, I have peeled one of these post-it notes off the stack and added---at the top, right under the bit where it says BARACK OBAMA all fancy and official-like---the words "...says DO THESE THINGS THIS WEEK."
I tell you, it is very hard not to do things when Barack Obama is urging you to do them, even if he is urging you to do them in an illegible scrawl. So thank you, President Obama! Thank you for forcing me to send my mother examples of outdoor lanterns! Thank you for making sure I corner-edged my RSVP cards! Now I'm sure you need to get on with figuring out world peace or something, so off you go; I'll see you again next Monday morning when you tell me what we're doing next. I thought maybe we could research makeup artists and whether or not it's easier just to do your wedding day makeup yourself. But hey, you're the President, it's totally up to you.