Michelle Obama Is Stalking Me

So somebody needs to alert the FBI because the First Lady is definitely stalking me. Did she read my post about her husband writing my to-do list? Is she mad at me for taking up his time? Because I tell you, Internet, Michelle Obama is totally following me. And I don't mean on Twitter.

When I left work today, I took a different route than I normally do, and crossing Market and Third streets, a policeman yelled at me. "Get back on the sidewalk!" he barked, even though the light at the crosswalk was flashing green. How rude!, I thought, but I stayed on the sidewalk because, you know, a policeman had told me to stay on the sidewalk and I'm pathologically afraid of the law, and all of a sudden, a motorcycle came whizzing by. And when that motorcycle was followed by fourteen other motorcycles and then five serious-looking cop cars, I knew something was up.

Michelle Obama, went the whisper in the crowd, Michelle Obama's in town, and then suddenly there she was, Michelle Obama herself, sitting up straight in the back of a fairly nondescript taupe SUV.

Oh man, she looked so pretty. We all waved and she waved back, and she was wearing huge black sunglasses and beaming, and just as soon as she'd arrived, she was gone. And when she'd gone, she left behind her a palpable excitement, a kind of euphoric energy that had strangers---locals and tourists, Americans and foreigners alike---grinning at each other with glee. All around me, people pulled out their cellphones. "Honey!" they said into the receivers. "I just saw Michelle Obama! She waved right at me!"

Half an hour later---after a brief spot of browsing in DSW, where I bought the world's most beautiful shoes so that I might always remember The Day I Saw Michelle Obama (not really, I'd wanted them for ages and felt like celebrating my recent promotion at work)---I was relating the story to Sean on our walk home. Three blocks from our apartment, I started telling him about the car she'd been in. "It was kind of just a nondescript taupe SUV," I said. "Sort of like.......whoa, sort of like that one right there, actually. Pulling up right in front of us. Surrounded by.....motorcycles. Oh my god, Sean, look. THERE'S MICHELLE OBAMA AGAIN."

(Internet, is this a coincidence? I think not. Michelle, if you're going to continue to stalk me, you need a better disguise. I'm on to you, lady! Ahem. First lady, I mean.)

This time, I was maybe ten feet from Michelle Obama (in a stripy skirt!) as she got out of the taupe SUV, smiled in our general direction ("Her again?" perhaps she thought), and was hustled into the restaurant right in front of us. Sasha and Malia were with her too---no Barack, sadly; probably too busy writing me a new wedding to-do list for Monday---and they were all swept into the restaurant by a bunch of men in black suits with earpieces who then didn't let us walk in front of the restaurant door for a good five minutes.

"Uh, did you see that?" I asked Sean, once the entourage had passed through and we'd caught our breath and were staring at each other. "Michelle Obama's SUV just pulled over in front of us---as I was telling you what it looked like---and then she got out and went into that restaurant, a restaurant we walk past every day on our way to and from work. Plus, I'd already seen her half an hour ago! Is that crazy or what?"

"It's crazy," said Sean.

"Oh man, I'm totally Twittering this," I said. "It's like I finally understand why Twitter was invented."

1
Kavita
Jun 22, 2009

Wowee, that's some coincidence! Maybe she's discreetly screening you so Obama can make it for your wedding. ;-)

Btw, congratulations on that promotion.

2
abbiebabble
Jun 22, 2009

I saw her today, too!
I was working at an elementary school in the Bayview, building a playground, and she came and talked to all 200+ volunteers.
It was kind of awesome.

3
Kitty
Jun 23, 2009

Wow. Maybe she has you in mind to help organize the next State ball. I mean, you've got this wedding thing down right?

4
Belly Girl
Jun 23, 2009

Did you just happen to have your camera at the ready on both of these occasions or does your cell phone just take damn decent pictures?

5
Janet
Jun 23, 2009

How very exciting!

And, congrats on your promotion! Show us the shoes!

6
Erin
Jun 23, 2009

I've always wondered how to act around celebrities when inside I'm screaming and fainting. Should I act cool and address them by name? Should I act indifferent? What's your secret?

I must say, the only time I've talked to a celebrity was in the grocery store. It was Steve McNair and I rather stupidly had him sign my receipt while telling him he was my fantasy football quarterback. And then the bagger dropped his jar of spaghetti sauce.

7
Rachael W
Jun 23, 2009

Amazing! I wish I had frequent Michelle Obama sightings.

8
May @ Anne and May
Jun 23, 2009

And then I died of jealousy. I find her such an inspiration, what with her adorable, well-adjusted kids, awesome arms, hot husband, and intelligence to spare.

But if she keeps stalking you, I may have to rethink things.

9
jennifer in sf
Jun 23, 2009

OH MY GOD. I totally saw them from afar and wondered what the heck was going on! I can't believe I missed the up close! Gah. If I'd left work like 15 minutes earlier I probably would have been on that block with you thinking "Michelle Obama and Nothing But Bonfires! And Mr. NBB! Cripes!"

Did they go to Fino? I've always wondered about that place, and if it's good enough for Michelle....

10
NothingButBonfires
Jun 23, 2009

Jennifer, they DID go to Fino! It was the most random thing in the world. I mean, of ALL the amazing restaurants in the city and they pick that one?

11
Andrea Jolene
Jun 23, 2009

I think the most thought provoking thing I gleaned from this post was "we finally know why Twitter was invented." Seriously. I feel like it just appeared one day full force and I had missed some big announcement because I was day-dreaming about cookies or summer BBQ's, and the world suddenly went "Twitter." For the past month, in old lady voice, I've exclaimed "What the hell is Twitter and why do we all want to do it?" Now, because of you and Mrs. O, I totally get it.

12
jennifer in sf
Jun 23, 2009

Yeah that is really weird. That's always seemed like such a random restaurant! Now I'm totally going to have to eat there.

13
Rachel
Jun 23, 2009

Holly you never fail to make me laugh! The only similar experience I've had was in the first year of the first Bush/Cheney term. Cheney flew to our town in SE North Carolina, (I can't remember what for) and my brother and I were playing in the front yard and whoa! there goes the motorcade! I'll take Michelle anyday!

14
JRM
Jun 23, 2009

How many agents do you think they fit in the back part of that SUV? I say 10.

15
Saucepan Man
Jun 23, 2009

Are you sure this wasn't just filming for some future 'Little Britain' series? I'm sure those FBI agents with their backs to us are David Walliams and Matt Lucas....

That's another one for your "I-Spy" book of "Famous US Political Figures" It can go in with the McCain sighting just before the election.

16
Sheila
Jun 24, 2009

Clearly, Michelle wanted to give you a REALLY urgent to-do list from her husband, but all the gawkers and secret service guys kept getting in the way.

17
Clare
Jun 24, 2009

That's so exciting! And you held yourself together far better than I did on my one US Politician sighting. I was in New Orleans taking a pic next to the Tulane Law School sign (my dad went there) and as I turned around I saw John Kerry standing basically next to my mother, along with about 6 security guys (I'm not quite sure why so many, this was the spring after he lost the election). I then said (or rather, exclaimed. LOUDLY) "FUCK ME, IT'S JOHN KERRY!" um. SHAME. His security hustled him in the door, the youngest one clearly trying not to laugh at me. I can only imagine what terrible thing would come out of my mouth if I saw any of the Obamas, they are far cooler than John Kerry!

18
sensibly Sassy
Jun 24, 2009

First, congrats on the promotion!
Second, let's see a picture of the shoes
Third, What eatery was the first lady eating at?

That is all.

19
Operation Pink Herring
Jun 25, 2009

"No Barack, sadly; probably too busy writing me a new wedding to-do list for Monday"

Thank you, Holly. You just stemmed off a burgeoning Wedding Panic Attack with the laugh that gave me!

20
Kristabella
Jun 25, 2009

She is totally stalking you! Taking all of Barack's time for your to-do list!

I lived in the same city as both of them for YEARS, YEARS I TELL YOU, and never once saw them.

21
Camels & Chocolate
Jun 26, 2009

That is like a bazillion times more exciting than my sitting next to Ja Rule on the plane last week. Harumph.

(But seriously! How cool! Beckham...now the First Lady! Who's next?! Think: Clooney! Think: Clooney! And maybe it will happen!)(Though only when I'm with you, of course.)