Girl Walks Onto A Balcony

Hello from Exuma, the most beautiful island in the Bahamas! Do you like my balcony? Funny thing about that balcony, actually, IT ALMOST GOT ME KILLED. Well, that's not exactly true, although it certainly could have, had I acted on Plan A this afternoon when I found myself in a certain situation. Since I rather sensibly acted on Plan B, however, it merely---how shall we say this?---mildly inconvenienced me instead.

I had returned from a dip in the most turquoise sea I've ever seen and, with an hour and a half until dinner, decided to sit out on my balcony for a little bit reading my book. (Just as an aside: THIS BOOK IS SO GOOD. So far, anyway. In fact, all I can think about right now is how fast I can write this blog post and get back to my room so I can see what happens next.) So I walked out onto the balcony, closed the door behind me, and......well, you can see where this is going, can't you?

Yes. I locked myself out. I locked myself out of my own hotel room. I found myself standing on my balcony, in nothing but my bikini, with a steep drop down to the ocean and nothing in between.

I considered my options. I could climb---very, very carefully, mother, I promise---down onto the balcony below mine and tap on the glass door and hope someone let me in. It seemed a little scary, though, not least for the person whose balcony door I'd soon be tapping on. I could shout really, really, really loudly and hope someone walking outside my hotel room heard me. Or I could......climb through the bathroom window?

Internet, I climbed through the bathroom window. I'd was one of the proudest moments of my life. I mean, if you could see the size of this window......well, it was like a yoga class, I tell you, all the bending and flexing and maneuvering I had to do to fold myself in through a two-foot-by-two-foot space. In my bathing suit. After a rather potent rum punch. In fact, I might just add "contortionist" to my resume. I mean, what kind of person locks herself out of her own hotel room forty-five minutes after arriving in the Bahamas?

Wait, what's that? You're still not feeling sorry for me? Ah, damn. Well, I tried.  Maybe tomorrow I can get eaten by a shark.

1
chirky
May 13, 2009

It's entirely unfair that you're somewhere so beautiful and not telling us where you're STAYING. Because I was recently looking at the Four Seasons Great Exuma (we've decided on going to St. Kitts instead), and they were entirely sold out when we wanted to go, and I do not recall seeing any over-water rooms. Please share.

Also, AS IF we would doubt that you could fold yourself into a 2' x 2' window. You're so tiny! You should just be glad that the window was THERE. And that it was UNLOCKED.

2
cassie
May 13, 2009

That last one should be a post card. I can totally picture myself sitting there with some sort of fruity, umbrella'd drink.

3
ChrisC
May 13, 2009

I LOVED The Likeness. Such a great book, and really good beach reading, too! Glad you got back into your hotel room okay.

4
holly
May 13, 2009

I LOVED In the Woods so I'm happy to hear that The Likeness is a good follow up. I'm getting ready to go to Maui at the end of the month and making a pile of vacation reads. That one might need to go on the nightstand!

5
greyfavorite
May 13, 2009

Oh, Holly. I am sorry for you. Then again, I am freak of nature who hates sunshine and heat. So window contortionism (what? it's a word, right?) easily trumps beach trip, in my book. Glad you are okay. Wear sunblock!

6
Lindsey
May 13, 2009

That water! I am so jealous! And yet, even through my jealousy, oddly proud that you contorted through that window. This is why you are a world traveler and I am not. I would have banged and yelled and cried. Good work!

7
Camels & Chocolate
May 13, 2009

I did the same thing yesterday in Florida! Locked myself out of the gated complex that is and had to scale an eight-foot-high wall with spikes. It wasn't fun. But I only got poked in the butt twice, so I consider that success. Still so bummed I had to pass on this trip--boo family vacays!

8
Amy
May 13, 2009

I just hope you considered (for a moment) using a Beatles song to title this post...

Locking one's self out is a really odd feeling. I always realize I'm doing it JUST as the door shuts.

9
Kavita
May 13, 2009

Hahaha, my little toe is feeling sorry for you!;-)

10
Marcy
May 14, 2009

All I could think of while reading this is ...how funny it would have been if someone was out on the water and glanced over to see a woman in a bikini squeezing her way in through a window..

"Room Service!!!!"

11
Melanie
May 14, 2009

So, uh, can we get a picture of this bathroom window?

12
Raven
May 14, 2009

I need a vacation so bad I can feel it in my toes.

13
soul-fusion
May 14, 2009

wow, I really need a vacation. A relaxing beach vacation. I didn't realize how desperately I'm craving until looking at those photos.

14
suz
May 14, 2009

Aha! The bathroom window save! I've climbed through my small bathroom window, that doesn't open far at all, several times when I've locked myself out of my house. It also requires contortionist maneuvers, including starting by climbing onto the garden-hose thingie (you know, the ones that you wrap the hose around, that have wheels?) and going through feet-first. Onto the toilet. Or, once, into the toilet! I must admit that while I was in Charleston & my house was rented out, I felt smug when my tenant called, having locked herself out, and her response to my suggestion that she climb through the window was "I could NEVER fit through that window!"

15
Kerri Anne
May 14, 2009

Yeah, if that was my balcony view I just don't think I'd be coming home. Like, ever.

16
Moose
May 14, 2009

I hope you had some extra dessert at dinner to replenish all the calories you burned while yogaing (now a verb!) yourself through your bathroom window.

17
Karen
May 14, 2009

Window-schmindow. Once I had to get back in my parents house (my mom locked her keys inside) by crawling through the CAT DOOR. Mind you I was 12 so I was much smaller then but even at that age, that was quite a feat. And then I had to do it again several months later when I locked myself out of the house. Good thing I knew I could fit already.

18
Jamie
May 14, 2009

I like to think that somewhere out there is a blog post saying:

"Still loving it here in Exuma; can't get enough of the gorgeous views from my balcony. Speaking of balconies, while at the beach this afternoon I saw a girl in a bikini on a balcony, squirming through the bathroom window into a hotel room. (Got a great picture, if you're into ass shots: [picture here, from a distance].) WTF was she doing? Burgling? A stalker breaking into an ex-boyfriend's room? Managed to lock herself out on the balcony? I'll never know!"

19
Vampy Varnish
May 14, 2009

I read her other book In The Woods and could NOT stop reading it. I am so glad to see she's got another one!

20
Suzy in DC
May 14, 2009

I noticed the four seasons in Exuma is closing as of the end of this month, is that true? http://www.fourseasons.com/greatexuma/message0509/

that would be sad b/c those rooms look awesome!

21
Lawyerish
May 14, 2009

Oh my gosh! This exact thing happened when we were in Hawaii a few weeks ago! Except there was no way back into the room other than the patio door.

Thankfully, we had our trusty Blackberries with us on the terrace and could find the hotel's website, dial the front desk, and request that they send someone to let us back into our room. We felt *so* cool.

Also, I now want to be on the next plane to Exuma. Holy wow, that water!

And! Seriously, the Four Seasons there is closing (per Suzy, above)?? Because I had discovered it online recently and was SO going to make it our next beachy destination. Say it ain't so!

22
beth
May 14, 2009

For future ref... the panes of glass in that door would have come out really easily!
:)

23
Jenna Jean
May 15, 2009

That book is really amazing, I picked it up in the airport on a trip from Seattle.

We need a picture of the bathroom window for reference!

24
Marcheline
May 15, 2009

The sea? Green.

The tree? Green.

Me? Totally green.

Sigh.

25
NothingButBonfires
May 15, 2009

Yes, it's true -- the Four Seasons Exuma announced a couple of days ago that it's closing in two weeks! Huge bummer, because it meant we knocked it off our itinerary, so I never got to see it.

The hotel we're at now is called Peace and Plenty and it's gorgeous. And the bathroom window was SMALL -- and I forgot to mention that I had to take both the glass and the screens out of it first. Luckily, both slid right out.

Also, Amy, I totally considered She Came In Through The Bathroom Window as a title! But then I would have given it away...