Someone To (Bay)Watch Over Me

When I was in Orlando for work in May, I stayed at a hotel that was opposite Downtown Disney, and on my first night---tired, exhausted, and not in the mood for driving---I crossed the street and wandered around, looking for a place to have a quick dinner. After several minutes, I began to feel very, very conspicuous. The reason? I was the only person---and I mean the only person---without kids. In fact, I was the only person on my own. I decided then and there that was no sadder place to be alone than Downtown Disney. Today, however, I discovered that I was totally wrong. Turns out, there is no sadder place to be alone than Las Vegas.

I arrived this afternoon, and everywhere I look, there are gangs of frat boys and gaggles of Heidi Montag wannabes. Everyone is wearing something sparkly and slightly slutty, and then there's me---lone, staid me---in my sensible black pants, a person who eschewed the casino in favor of the mall (excellent Joan Holloway dress purchased for 40% off!) and then really pushed the boat out by ordering a HOT CHOCOLATE in the lobby bar and bringing it up to her room to drink.

Speaking of my room, it appears to have been taken over by a Baywatch crew, and my surprise at finding this over my bathtub when I walked in the door this afternoon was unparalleled: 

Still, as Carrisa says, if I have some sort of accident and start to drown in that (very deep) tub, at least there are lifeguards on duty.

Check out what's on my wall though: what are the odds I won't be able to sleep tonight for fear of this thing attacking me?

Death by disembodied swimsuit-clad torso: yep, that's pretty much always the way I figured I'd go.

Nov 24, 2008

ACK. Baywatch. Nothing like having a decorative torso in your room. Too funny.

I also eschew the casinos in Vegas for the mall. The Forum Shops at Caesar's Palace always suck me in- you can find me with my face pressed up to the front windows of the Nanette Lepore boutique. :/

I'm sorry you're by yourself. I think it'd be weird to be alone in Vegas, too- mostly because I like to "people watch" while I'm there. My partner-in-crime for "people watching" is my husband, and it would just feel weird if I couldn't turn to him and say, "Ohmygosh, did you just see that?!"

Enjoy the rest of your stay in Vegas. More retail therapy, perhaps?

Nov 25, 2008

Wow, um are you staying in a Baywatch-themed hotel? Cos I'm pretty sure I missed that one when we were in Vegas, and now I feel cheated somehow!

I think that might even beat the Hooters Casino for tackiness which is something I never thought I'd say!

Hope you manage to enjoy the rest of the trip and don't get maimed/killed by the scary torso of death! (Although seriously, Best! Death! Ever!)

Nov 25, 2008

Just be glad you're not staying in a Fantasy Island themed hotel! Imagine the shame of gasping your last under attack by a midget in a white tuxedo...

Nov 25, 2008

Last time I was in Vegas was to see The Rolling Stones with friends. Two of us went the budget-friendly route and stayed at The Tropicana, which is right across from The MGM (where the concert was). We were proud of ourselves for scoring the room rate, and knew we were "kickin' it old school" by staying at The Trop, but did not expect that they'd run out of doubles before we checked in. This meant we had to share a king room, which was okay since we're girls and girls can share a bed like it's a slumber party without getting all freaked out like guys do... but when we opened the door and saw all the bamboo and mirrors surrounding the bed? We both let out involuntary screams... no joke.

See it for yourself HERE! (Bet you'll be horrified!)
House of Jules

the sassy kathy
Nov 25, 2008

Oh, was it the Joan Halloway-ish dress from J.Crew!?!? I mean, not that I know the entire J.Crew inventory or anything, just, um, wondering....

Nov 25, 2008

Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

Nov 25, 2008

Wow! That is some classy decor.
I couldn't agree with you more! I went with my fiance to Las Vegas this summer, he was traveling for work and I was alone all day. It was so depressing, not even the mall could cheer me up.

Nov 25, 2008

Oh man, this still makes me laugh so hard. Of course now that I know you're staying at the Planet Hollywood hotel it makes a little more sense, but still... funny as hell.

Nov 25, 2008

I live in Orlando and have spent a shameful amount of time at Downtown Disney. Actually, I used to work at the Virgin Mega Store at Downtown Disney, but I tend to deny that as much as possible. I couldn't resist commenting and saying "hey, I know exactly where you are talking about!" Yep, just call me a dork. :)

Nov 25, 2008

I was alone in Vegas in Dec. 2005 for work. I looooove Vegas, but it was a bit weird to be there alone and during the week. So, I did it up right. Went to a show. Enjoyed the breakfast buffet at the Paris (Crepes!!! Made to order!). Got a spa pedicure. Hey, at least there aren't a million kids around you like Disney. You got the slutty dressers, instead :o)

Nov 25, 2008

There are Heidi Montang wannabes in the world? I think that fact alone would prevent me from sleeping.

Nov 25, 2008

I don't know what creeps me out more, the fact that there's a suit-clad torso in your room or that the suit itself looks small enough to fit a third grader.

Nov 25, 2008

I was going to post a comment, but I just can't say it any better than Rhi/#6.

jennifer in sf
Nov 25, 2008

I'm very curious about the themes of the other rooms. Are they all 90's TV show themed? Is there a Walker Texas Ranger room?

(Also, I did not realize until just now that Baywatch was on for 11 seasons! That's just crazy.)

Nov 25, 2008

That is quite possibly the most awesome thing I've seen in my entire life.

You know, Baywatch was one of the first American shows I watched when I was a kid. That's right. Baywatch was my first impression of America!

Camels & Chocolate
Nov 25, 2008

Oh man, Burnsy, that's rough! I'd be that same girl in her sensible dress (cause you know me, no pants here!) and hot chocolate. If I were REALLY going out on a limb, I'd add Bailey's to the mix.

Also, I can't wait to see your Joan dress!!! Nice purchase! I also got a red Joan 60's dress when I was back in Nashville for like 40 bucks...maybe we can wear them out on the same night and have a Mad Men-themed evening at Bourbon & Branch with our scotch and fags ;-)

Nov 25, 2008

Mine is also red! And it was EIGHTEEN BUCKS, marked down from $80. Guess no-one wants to be Joan as much as I do.

sensibly sassy
Nov 25, 2008

what hotel are you at? That is so funny-at least we know you are safe in your hotel tub!

Nov 25, 2008

I'm at Planet Hollywood. I think all of their rooms have some sort of TV or movie memorabilia in them. I'm just bummed I didn't get the My So Called Life room -- can you imagine having a full-size poster of Jordan Catalano above your bed? Wait, that sounds like my bedroom at home. HA.

Nov 25, 2008

Oh sweet Jesus, that half body would scare me in the middle of the night FOR SURE!

Also, we had a work trip to Orlando and went to dinner at a restaurant in Downtown Disney. Which was pretty funny to see a group of 30 adults walking around with ALL THOSE CHILDREN!

Nov 25, 2008

That would be the best obituary EVER.

Nov 25, 2008

The only thing scarier than Los Angeles is Las Vegas.

Speaking of theme rooms, though, have you ever been to the Madonna Inn near San Luis Obispo? (For the uninitiated, no, not THAT Madonna.) I'm pretty sure they don't have a Baywatch room. I wouldn't be able to sleep in that room either. The picture is bad. The torso is far, far worse.

Nov 25, 2008

I like Vegas, but I imagine being there alone would be strange.

The hotel room cracks me up. . . really who would want an armless, legless, headless mannequinn in the bedroom?

Nov 25, 2008

I can't stop laughing at this. That would keep me stocked up on nightmares for a week.

Nov 25, 2008

I have been alone in Vegas. And it sucked! But I didn't have the company of Baywatch mementos. Somehow, the hilarity of that all makes it suck less.

Nov 25, 2008

I would FIGHT YOU for the Jordan Catalano room. Do you think the room have his jacket behind Plexiglas? Also, do you know that I bought a jacket for Alex expressly because it looked like Jordan Catalano's? And hi, why am I admitting this?

Nov 25, 2008

Woah. THAT is just creepy. And oh, so wrong.

Nov 25, 2008

Wait...crap. You mean ya'll DON'T have fiberglass torsos and mannequins of all types hanging about your home? Son of a... Maybe it's just me and my little corner of the retail industry. My husband refuses to let me bring any more mannequins home. Spoil sport.

Three Cent Stamp
Nov 25, 2008

This is SO awful that I can't even find the words to say something clever or funny or remotely comforting. ((HUGS)) !

Oh ... but maybe you should sleep in your clothes.

The Over-Thinker
Nov 26, 2008

I'm guessing you're not staying at The Wynn :)

I am so creeped out by that swimsuit thingy. It's like you're staying in a Baywatch/JC Penney Catalog department. I'll be praying for you.

Nov 26, 2008

Even considering Vegas, that is out there....way out there.

Nov 26, 2008

All I can think about when I see that bathing suit is "Bikini waxing maintenance must be a bitch. HELLO BRAZILIAN!". (ouch)

Nov 26, 2008

I was in Vegas a couple of weeks ago for work and low and behold - I had to eat by myself 95% of the time. You feel kind of like a doufus navigating the madness by yourself and debating what to eat :)

Then again part of me enjoyed it - but I also enjoyed escaping back to my room to take hot baths when I knew I didn't have to pay the electric bill. Then again, I didn't have to stare at Baywatch crap all night either. . .

Best burger is down the street at the Caraveino's (I probably spelled that wrong) in the Palazzo. You can get it at the bar and they have an awesome Malbec. I highly recommend it :) Nob Hill Tavern in the MGM also has an awesome burger. Of course now I sound like all I eat is processed meat but I found that at least I could get those meals to go and take them back to my room to eat in peace :)

Good luck and have fun!


Nov 27, 2008

Ah, we are so in different places in our lives. Two small children in constant tow = I would be downright ecstatic to be alone. Vegas, Disney, don't care. Have coffee? have shopping? have solitude in crowd of many? I'm there!

Jerri Ann
Dec 01, 2008

That thing is scary looking. I also wanted to remind you about my 12 Days of Christmas Give Aways

Mom~E~Centric (

Mom is Teaching (

Education Uncensored (

Dec 01, 2008

that is seriously creepy.

i think i'd have thrown a dark blanket over it.

Dec 01, 2008

How did you get a picture of my bathroom? Did you win any money at least? By the way...try being a single person in Naples Florida where the average age is 62.5.